Michael's Final Blog on Love Comma Candy

Erica and Jenny,

Y'all have made so much progress on this piece this semester. And so much of that has been your willingness to play with the play--to try new things, ideas, scenes, etc.

It was fun to watch it in New Works and see how one director took it and staged a workshop in ways that I hadn't envisioned. Like I said in class, I had just imagined actors double/triple cast in the play, but I hadn't envisioned them chorus like. I didn't really get that from the workshop, but from your conversation the other day and it intrigues me.

Y'all have really unlocked many rich things about Candy. And much of this was due to your work in class and re-writes and outside explorations. Congratulations!

Your in-class exercises were truly creative and fun to participate in. The type that I thought about for awhile afterwards. (This includes this week. Very good job, y'all!)

Questions:

How much do you see the play as unfinished? How did y'all feel about New Works workshop? I enjoyed it. Thought it was fun to watch, but I wondered if it left you with more questions or answers. I don't think either is a bad thing. And I don't have an opinion on it.


Opinions:

I love the way the 15 minutes emerged during the process, but like someone said in one post-New Works discussion (Steven's class?), you might explore not having the stage manager announce every minute. You might announce a few then skip a few. This might play with our perception of time even more.

The opening with the film scene still throws me a bit. On one hand I like it, but I don't know why it's there. I keep wanting to come back to it. Maybe if Andy were filming the whole thing?

In class on Thurs, I loved how Andy's presence turned Candy up more. I don't necessarily want the play about Andy, but I think you ought to play with that and see if it works or deters. And to not be afraid if it becomes more about him. It wasn't your original intent, but if you get into playing with it and that emerges that would be cool too. If not, I think it will teach you even more about Candy.

I especially liked y'all's session this Thursday. That was nice. It was still full-steam work on the play, which I think is great! It felt like y'all were taking what y'all saw during New Works, etc and using class as an opportunity to play with these while you have the luxury of having a captive participants that know the play. I thought this was very smart! AND I thought what y'all devised for that was very smart as well. I hope the exercises provided helpful insight into areas that can be played with and possibly changed up. It was also a fun exercise to do.

My opinion is that I think the best title is "Love, Candy." That was a fun little closure exercise, but i think you have a great title. It's obviously landed with you and I don't think a few people's comments in a talk-back (or whatever) should make you second-guess it. If YOU don't like it, that's another thing. But I for one, like "Love, Candy."

Again, this was a fun play to work on in class. I've liked this play since the first time I experienced it, reading it in lab. I think you've unlocked a lot and you have a solid footing to stand on as you move to the next phases of development.

Congrats!

Michael's Final Blog on The Elephant

What can I say?

It's been a great semester for this play. I think your sessions were so focussed on things that were germane to making progress and cracking open tensions and relationships.

Seeing it with actors and costumes and staging (albeit limited) and the drum during New Works was a privilege. It was great to watch a play I'd been involved with electrify an audience. Since I knew it, at times I paid attention to the audience and like Jason T. said, there were collective gasps and periods of tears and periods of laughter. You had them at hello.

And I think a lot of that came from y'all's work this semester. Trying out various forms of various scenes in class seems to have benefited the play.

I love the subtle punch of this play.

Questions:

Are you going to get to have some age-specific actors for the main-stage production? I hope so.

Opinions:

I like the presence of the train in the play. It provides a sense of industry and effeciency. And it is neither town nor circus. But it might take up too much time. I know it's the "solution" for the hanging, but I'm not sure I need as much of it as is in the play. (Also it's sort of expository feeling because it is neither town or circus. I'm not vested in learning that much about it.) Again, I think you need it. But consider the amount.

The chants of "kill it" worked, but I'd like more build. Maybe one occasional "kill it" then slowly more, then picking up steam like the train. I know this is also a directorial issue, but I included it because it was the subject of one of our sessions in class. (maybe off-stage voices by the stagehands?)

I love the strong man. I think you should play him up, turn up his flamboyance, his arrogance, his strength. Then he has further to fall as he admits his helplessness and loss. (I think he should be big and strong--not a parody of a strong man.)

Of course I still love the trainer.

I like that the Sheriff has stakes--a reason to want to kill Mary. This worked well--without over-working it. (It would've been real easy to do that. Congrats on hitting a great balance there.)

I think the Preacher's purpose and role is much more clear, but it might have room to be worked with. Whether that's a directorial thing or text, I don't know. I like that we see at least some of the negative effect of the hanging in him.

I love seeing the "I can dig that for you" scene at the end--instead of his monologue. I'd suggest possibly showing us a few more important scenes. BUT this is a play of monologues, of over-lapping remembrances and stories. Of over-lapping points of view. I'd caution against trying to change that too dramatically. The response of the audience at New Works shows that it's working. But in a bigger production, I think it would be great to explore (as I think it was Daniel who said a while back) more things happening at once--like a circus. Thus monologues may over-lap even more, work as scenes in a sense--like many do now. I think this is a potentially rich area to explore.

George and Erica, you did a very good job this semester. Congrats!

Soo-Jin's Response to "Love Candy" (Final)

Affirmations:

First off, it was great to see your play with actors at New Works. The use of the chorus playing different characters works well for me. I keep anticipating what each person will play next.

I love your activity of laying out just text and asking us to sculpt the scene by separating lines among anybody. That was really challenging to do at first but once we got going, it was fine. We just used logic and intuition. And when we read it aloud, that's what I realized the potency of giving the lines to certain characters. How effective that can be. I love the existential nurse. The wise, one-liner sage. I love it. We sculpted her from what you gave us.

It has been so awesome to watch you bring in new scenes. To have you and Jenny do process work with us in class. Taking us to the dressing room.

I love the easy bake oven scene.

Questions:

(1) Why did you change the dream cock from black to red? The red just reminds of dog's genatalia. But that might just be me. ;)

(2) Was there anything sexual between Andy Warhol and Candy?

(3) Who was the love of Candy's life?

(4) Who did Candy want a visitation from on her death bed?

(5) What would interrupt the 15 minutes from continuing? What would speed it up?

Opinions:

I agree with Michael that I want to see more of Andy as he adds color to Candy. The more Andy appears, the more I like Candy. I want Andy's aura to penetrate Candy's world more. At least before her sickness. After is also interesting as you did the Boal technique in your 1st session.

I'm curious about the Factory People. What that world was like more. I guess I crave some more behind the scenes there just 'cause I'm not an expert on Pop Culture of the 60s.

I love Sheila's idea of perching the bed high above the stage as the nightmare's happen. Very powerful.

Soo-Jin's Response to "Elephant's Graveyard" (Final)

George & Erica...you guys have worked so hard this semester and it has been a pleasure to watch you work ur magic and be a participant in ur process during class. Thank you.

Affirmations:

I like how the strongman waxes poetic at the end. Moves me. Just 'cause he's the last person I'd expect that from.

I like the new cut you made and shared with us in class of the "peanut" townsperson mentioning the lynching at the end. I like how he explains things simply but profoundly. Direct and honest. I like that a lot. And I agree with others who mentioned in class that the "fire" rumor steals a bit of thunder from the lynching subject.

I enjoyed all the cuts you made and some edittings you made (You had new lines dispersed here and there) in the New Works Festival draft. Loved them.

Questions: (not necessarily asking for these questions to be answered in the play. just some new questions that popped into my head)

(1) Were there black people at the lynching? I guess peanut guy was there. I wonder if there were others. If they were there, I'm curious if they were there to support Mary's hanging or not.

(2) Did anybody mourn Red's death?

(3) What would a lawyer (a townsperson) think of Mary's hanging? Ludicrous or necessary?

Opinions:

I really loved Daniel's comment on how Elephant's Graveyard sheds light on the history of American violence. I request it to be written up in the program even only 'cause it's so huge. And perhaps people would get it but not everyone might.

EG is a moving play that hits you in the guts. Bravo to you both!

Love, Candy or C[andy] or [C]andy ([c]arrie)

A BRIEF MUSING ON WRITING THE TITLE OF THIS BLOG
Actually its sort of interesting what a difference there is in [C]Andy and C[andy]--we could do a close reading there a la the days of undergraduate poetry workshops and talk about the "c" as partioned off and outside as opposed to the "andy" as internalized within--either way it points me back to your original reluctance to include Andy Warhol in the script and to wonder if you are happy with the amount of presence he has in your current manifestation (I'm thinking about Michael's comment as to how Andy and his assistant begin the play but we never come back to them--maybe a good title would be Candy/[C]andy so there is a balance or a tension between the Candy who is her own creation and a Candy who is a product/creation of her time and the influneces around her--i have more to say about this in relation to the exercises.

AFFIRMATIONS/COMMENTS: (I'm trying to stay in the structure!)
Another fun and informative session, I loved hearing Jenny say at the end of class (or maybe it was out at the bar...clearly too much post-reading celebration for me) that the structure of the workshops came very naturally out of her collaboration with Erica--I've really enjoyed the fun-ness of all of your sessions.

I also think it was very generous of you (Erica) to allow us to stick our fingers and pens into your play (more cutting than adding as it were) and to play with it. I was really surprised to hear Naomi Wallace talk about letting other people "push in" or write parts of her play, at first I was a little shocked, but I hope it was useful to see what other people made with your work.

What I liked particularly about the text activity was the impulse to understand/fully integrate what you called the chorus--but what seems like more of an ensemble. I wrote in a previous blog how taken I am with the idea in all the plays we've been working on of making everyone "earn" their place in the ensemble and on the stage. I think using these characters fully helps bring to the forefront some of the ways that particulalry gender but also all cultural constructs are learned first and then internalized/normalized. This was particularly true in the Easy Bake Oven Scene we were working on, but also in the Hope cigarette scene. I really love the philosophizer nurse!

I also had a real sense of a sort of personal geneology of Candy as these scenes openned up to include more characters--I had a good sense of what the making of Candy Darling was through the manipulation of language (important for a character who uses language to re-name herself several times.
QUESTIONS:

I'm really glad you called attention to the dreams--I had forgotten about them and they are so interesting. I wonder if you imagine them happening together (there is such a strong sense of flow from one to the next: symbols/inversions/how fairytale is working in each one/violence/family etc) or if you imagine them spread throughout the text? Regarding the screen/live playing--I wonder what it would be like if Candy were watching the ensemble members play out the dreams(that is one of those pesky proscriptive questions that are actually suggestions yes, lets move down to suggestions/comments)
SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS
Anyway, I could see either one dream flowing into the next or scattered--I wonder if they also might coincide with the administration of morphine or other drugs?

I think it would have been great to see the scene that we all worked onif we had had time--but I suppose you guys have that information--and to talk through/process the why of some of those choices--I know in our version (George Michael TM) we felt that those lines needed to stay with Candy and I do wonder about maintaining that balance of showing Candy as a product of her influences/time and Candy as a pretty remarkable, pioneering autonomous person who has a core and a strong sense of who she is.

I think its also really important to see Candy struggle (I'm thinking about the lines in the communal scene that were split up between Andy and Candy) about death and the afterlife--and i so love the line about death being a rite of passage that is completely universal) with the lighter and darker sides of her personality)

We had started to write the easy bake oven as a scene where Candy is playing out the action of the scene while the chorus narrates--might be interesting.

Great work all semester!

Love, Candy/Final Session

First of all, great job Erica and Jenny—it’s been a pleasure to be part of the development process for this play! Once again, because of the nature of your final session, I’m not sure that the final affirmation/question/opinion structure is necessary, so I shall just meander through and provide feedback as it comes to me!

I really enjoyed this final activity—I hope it proves to be as fruitful for you in developing the script as it seemed to be in class. As soon as you described the activity, I remembered what Debbie Saivetz said during your previous in-class session—she mentioned the presence of the “theory voice” that emerged in some sections of the play as perhaps another character all together. I thought about that throughout yesterday’s activities (I was expecting to find “theory voice” as the other voice we were “supposed” to separate)—and when I found other voices instead, I began to wonder who all of the voices are. If I remember correctly, the characters lines are divided in the script as male ensemble/female ensemble, not as Nurse (female) or Hippy (male) or what have you. I’m wondering if creating a list of these characters/other voices and THEN discovering the gender balance might be helpful I love the idea of them functioning as a chorus, an ever present gender spectrum that frames, organizes, and sometimes interrupts Candy’s narrative—and this was incredibly clear, even in the staged reading at New Works—delicious.

So two questions here include:

Who are all of these voices?

How are they gendered? (some of these are specific/explicit…but some not. Why is the nurse female? What might it look like if Candy’s mother was played by a drag queen, whose gender is never commented upon.)

How can the male and female ensemble members on either side of Candy both be “opposite” of one another and create a spectrum?

Is the entrance of the female ensemble member a direct reaction to the male ensemble member who just had his “scene?”

What is the chorus doing for the play when they are onstage but not interacting with Candy directly?

Maybe this is taking the structure of affirmation/question/opinion…

I don’t remember what was done with the “theory” voice during New Works—but I’m wondering if that might come in the form of the existential nurse? At least in the context of what my group produced yesterday, the theory lines might fit well/resonate well with the other lines that were stolen from Candy and reassigned to the nurse.

Also, along the same lines with George what George mentioned in class—so much of this play is about the power of celebrity, but I’m not sure that I ever learn the extent/see the extent to which Candy achieved that status.

I can’t wait to see what comes next!

Carrie's Final Response to Elephant's Graveyard

Great work George and Erica- Your process conversation brought out a lot of interesting ideas about the semester as a whole and some of the challenges of producing new work. I think I too am going to eschew the traditional in order to respond.

1) First of all--the prompt you began with "What would you miss?" Made me sad in a way, or made me feel like possibly you got a lot of conflicting feedback, the over all thrust of which was to cut down or get rid of various elements (but maybe that there was disagreement about which). In a sense this seems like its been a huge part of the work that you as a team have done this semester, continuing to refine/cut/condense--i think you've both worked really well in this capacity without losing anything from the story--but even the pages you brought in attest to what a skill this is (balancing what is potentially lost through condensing--specificity in the case of the hungry townsperson's speech) vs what is gained.

1a) That being said--something else I would really miss would be the presence of a Young townperson--a sense of generations (particularly since you are dealing with history--the idea of how history has been transmitted and the sort of childlike joy of the circus that goes so quickly wrong)

2) I was interested in the conversation that came up around casting, particularly in reference to race, for several reasons. I think the one that we did not actually talk about was that it brought up a few questions for me about process and development--how much of the final product or a published script comes out of a collaboration (not just between playwright and dramaturg or playwright and director) but playwright and the actual logisitics of a time/place/bodies s/he has to work with--is that making sense? I suppose that none of us are making art in a vaccuum and the fact that this play is being developed here and now will have some effect on it.

3) That being said, I would like to weigh in--literally--on the strongman. I agree that the strongman should have some real heft about him. (Walking around Winship last night I was definitely giving more than a once over to anyone I heard muttering his lines over and over to themselves. For me, this is an issue that has come out around all of the plays we've worked on this semester which is ensemble building or earning your place--coming out of Erica's comment about Priscilla's play and something I've been thinking about a lot with Soo-jin's play as well, I think it is important that the Strongman has a rightful place within the Circus--I also just can't imagine how the lines would hit where the Strongman recounts how crushing it is to see the crain hang Mary--I think that I, at least, need to believe that the thought of him trying to lifet Mary is not purely laughable. On a second read through that speech, the connection between the image of ballet girl wrapped in Mary's trunk and Mary wrapped up in the crane is even stronger to me--When he says I could never lift her like that, I am also thinking about the allure of Mary parading around with Ballet girl and the weird interesting nexus of desire/danger etc in that original image as explicated by ballet girl. What those lines also do (particularly in overlaying those images) is bring the circus/technology (train), town trifecta into focus in a readable/understandable way. If the crain has become Mary and Mary has become the ballet girl, it is in a sense as if the circus as a whole is wrapped up and suspended for a moment by technology/progress...and then crushed. Maybe an oversimplification and i am sure there are far more interesting and sophisticated readings of that moment, but it really works for me.

4) Can I repeat how wonderful I think it is that the Hungry Townsperson remembers simply because he eats peanuts--I really don't feel like I need or even want a bigger reason than than, a) because its a lovely little nod to the circus and the lore around elephants 2) because its such a simple little arbitrary thing that anyone can do, anyone can remember, not only those who are connected by race or social status/position to once side of violence or the other--maybe some, because of these things, have a harder time forgetting, but really, anyone can remember.

I think it is so cool that you are going to Erwin this summer--good work both of you!

Carrie

Final Response to "Elephant's Graveyard"

I don’t know that the model of affirmation/questions/opinions will work (for me!) in terms of responding to your “closing-day” activities, so I think I’ll just verbally meander through some of what we discussed it class and try make my earlier articulations more specific.

What’s essential/What’s the play ABOUT

Not only do I think this play is about the way history repeats itself and reproduces violence on substituted bodies, I think it demonstrates the way violence as a “cultural truth” (to use Daniel’s words!) is remembered by the body—or certain bodies at least. This broadens up the play’s question to: What do people chose to (not) remember? What memories are cerebral, and what memories are physical? How is resistance against physical and cerebral memories different?

Going back to “what’s essential”—I completely forgot to speak up in class. The preacher’s monologue! His speech is so effective at problemitizing the “us. Vs. them”dichotomy of Erwin and the circus. As much as the play uses that dichotomy well, I particularly love those moments (such as the preacher’s monologue) in which the ability to use “us” and “them” so monolithically becomes increasingly difficult.

I really wish I had been able to see the show during New Works so that I could have experienced the drum and the costumes—I suppose I shall just wait contently until fall-time.

I’m really enjoying the strongman’s presence in the play—for reasons I stated in class (his disliking Mary because her presence both overshadows and calls into question his skill as a performer, as it does Ballet Girl). Given Carrie’s observation as well, I’m wondering where the relationship between Ballet Girl and Strong Man might be headed. Also, in terms of casting—I really think what you’ve written relies on (or possibly calls for) an ACTUAL strong man. Casting a “humorous” strong man doesn’t allow for the tension I previously described (not that my observations need to be your sole basis for casting,but…), but also might not make it possible for the Strong Man to have the relationship he has with the crane. Just something to think about!

I was also in complete agreement with Carrie about HOW the Muddy Townsperson remembers—I wanted to make the same comment but also had the fear of stating the obvious. Using the consumption of peanuts to catalyze or even CAUSE memories in some way really makes memory a choice—which, while this of course not always the case, it does seem to be the case with the population of people in your play. This might seem silly as well, but I think it also gestures to “what do elephants and people have in common?”—that is it humanizes Mary and elephantizes (a popular academic word, I know) the humans.

Isn’t the phrase “an elephant never forgets a friend!” (or is it just “an elephant never forgets”? I might just be thinking of a slogan used by the Howie Mandel character in the early 90’s cartoon Bobby’s World). But if the phrase is “an elephant never forgets a friend”—I wonder if there is something to that? Is the Muddy Townsperson Mary’s friend? In some way, is his effort to foreground her in everyone’s memory an act of friendship?

Also, I really enjoyed writing my note to Mary. If I didn’t vocalize this earlier, don’t read it!

I really enjoyed being a part of this process this semester—I wish George the best of luck at his writing over the summer and can’t wait to see this play fully staged this fall!

Jenny's Response to Saving Mom Final

Hi Priscilla and Michael,
I basically kept a running response to the play as I watched it, and am sorting out those responses into affirmations/Questions/opinions below.

AFFIRMATIONS
I like that we're starting with Anna's voice, and I really like the first monologue as a point of entry innto the play.
I like that Jon and Anna now sleep together BEFORE Anna has the "slick" scene with Carol.
I love Jon's attempting to say that Six is a lucky number, and Anna calling him on it.
I like Anna interrogating Carol about relationships...I especially like it because it's a place where Anna is very focused and active and externalized in her pursuit of information/outside ways of thinking. Not that this is necessarily something to strive for in a million places, but that it lets me see that Anna CAN be/do that, that it's in her to.
I REALLY like watching Anna put together what's going on with the hair. Watching her "solve" that mystery is something that keeps me really engaged.
I love the conversation at the end of act one, where we get the play's title. It feels really honest and true.
I pay a lot of attention every time Anna gives us something about why she's so fascinated by the hair, what the fact of hair/memory might mean to her.
I like Jon's full court press for more momentum in the relationship.

QUESTIONS
Why does ANNA want the hair thing to be true? I guess I'm still left wondering what, in full, the fact of memory hair means for Anna. How does wanting more and not settling in a relationship tie into the hair? Does it?
Why is Carol so dead-set on "I'm married, thus I'd never leave?"
Why does Jon want to be Anna's oasis? What is he drawn to in her, right from the get-go?
Does Jon love falling in love or being in love? If he loves falling in love, I understand why he would go after someone who makes it clear that she is in a relationship and thus only available in the short-term. If he loves being in love I understand why he pushes to go deeper in his relationship with Anna, but I'm less clear why he would be initially drawn to someone who has made clear that her "availability" comes with strings and a time limit. Or is it that he loves both, or changes his mind partway in? It may be that this is entirely clear and I'm a dunce, but I was left sort of wiggling the tooth of that when Seth/Jon was talking about love in last week's reading. For what it's worth, it's the first time I've thought about it.

OPINIONS
I really love this play and where it's headed. I love the poetry of it, the deepening of the love triangle and my growing sympathy for the people on each side of it, I love the imagery you've got going all over and the fixation on memory.

Is it fair that, in a play that is dealing with poetry and a kind of...floating quality...that I still find myself wishing to be PULLED through the play a little more? I'm torn between wanting the motion to feel dreamlike/contemplative and wanting more thrust. Maybe my feeling torn isn't so far from the two kinds of relationships Anna's torn between :).

Betty's drowning scene is just stunning. I love Anna's phone call to her mother. I think I keep spelling Anna wrong, but I'm not sure.

Fantastic, fantastic work to both Priscilla and Michael! Kudos on a great semester!

Priscilla's response to Saving Mom

Affirmations:
I think the story you’re trying to tell is interesting and meaningful, and I respond to it every time we read it (even though you are constantly making radical changes). I think you are writing about a very touching and complex situation with no easy answers – which may be why you are finding so many facets of story and character that need exploring. In the earlier drafts, I didn’t understand why this was “Finding Mom”, as it really didn’t seem her story; however, I think you knew all along that it was. As you’ve made changes, it becomes more and more clear that Mom is truly the focal point in all of the other character’s lives and is the machine driving the play.

Questions:
I still have questions or confusion about Sunshine’s role in the play – maybe because I haven’t seen her take her own journey yet (although the homeless guy can certainly be part of that.)

I’m wondering if the scenes in the church are gone or might be coming back. Maybe I just liked them because they were so proactive on the daughters' parts.

I’m still wondering if the preacher and Mom had a sexual affair – and maybe that’s your intention. I don’t think that I even really need to know, but I am curious.

Opinions:
Just one – don’t let McDonald’s hijack your play.

Priscilla's reponse to Fourth of July

Affirmations:
This might be my favorite piece of all your work that I’ve seen or heard. It has been so interesting to see it develop over the last two years. I think what I really appreciate is that while you are getting closer and closer to the heart of your story, the characters (including the character of the town) have remained constant and vibrant. I love all of the clearly defined voices – even the not-always-nice Jessica. I appreciate that you’ve made some very bold story choices, and they have just made the play stronger (and hotter).

Questions:
I’m wondering how all the text and voice mail sections will work. I’ve been thinking about whether the messages will just be on a projection or will be vocalized as well and wondering how the separation of text (or voice) from the character will feel in the play. I am also wondering what happens on stage when messages are sent – do characters get spot lit to emphasis, go dark to focus the audience on the projection, stand frozen so the audience has time to read? You probably visualize how you would like to see this done. I’m just wondering.

Opinions:
I think the way you are engaging different communication systems is so smart, particularly the way you are really looking at what can be said in person v. on the phone v. in a text message. I think you can use this almost like a great subtext tool – which you already do now – but I hope you continue and use it even more.

It was great to see your play on its feet in your workshop. In my humble opinion, I think there was some rather prescriptive feedback and maybe even some posturing going on. I hope you don’t let it guide you unless it is something you really believe you want to do.

Response to final "Feel the Bend" Session!

Affirmations:

I expressed this a bit in class the other day, but something about casting a younger Carol worked really well for me. I know Priscilla said that she had lowered the ages of both of the characters, but the gap in ages seemed to be a really productive, active space for me as a spectator (more on this in my questions section.

The verbal thread that tied together everyday vocabulary with the vocabulary of “Anna and her hairs” was incredibly clear in this draft. I’m thinking particularly of the ways “I’m not cutting (you out of my life)” resonated with cutting of the hairs, etc. There were a few other words/phrases that floated between these two different worlds, though I’m afraid they escape me at the moment. I’ll update this as I remember them. Connecting these two worlds together was explicit, but still nuanced.

On the whole, I loved this draft of the script and the adjustments you’ve made—it’s so exciting to see the script find its structure!

‘I want to talk to her but she’s a ship” remains my favorite line, ever!

Questions:

Are all of Anna’s cards somehow related to her “victims”?

Is the fact that they are grey hairs new? (Possibly just my shoddy memory)

What memories would Betty catalogue, if she could?

How often did Betty/Anna fight pre-John?

I remember when Debbie Saivetz spoke about the presence of the “theory voice” in “Love, Candy.” I notice a scene where the “theory voice” of “Feel the Bend” erupts from Anna, and I’m wondering where that is rooted. It’s early in Act II, when she has a lengthy explanation of how bisexuality works. Where does this “theory” voice come from and how does it fit with the rest of the otherwise relatively realist dialogue?

Opinions:

Has the “do you want sex” scene changed? It’s still heartbreaking, but I wasn’t as affected by it in this reading (perhaps related to where its placed in the play’s structure?). It’s such a beautiful, heartbreaking, and hilarious scene—and I’d hate for it not to be maximize our understanding of Betty. It’s probably my favorite scene in the entire play, and the one in which we learn the most about Betty.

Overall, lovely, amazing work this semester—I’m so exited to see where this play is headed!

Erica N's Response to Feel the Bend

Great work Priscilla and Michael! It's so nice to see how this script has come alive throughout the semester. I'm sorry I couldn't come to the full read-though (parents in town...) so my comments about the play are restricted to act two.

Affirmations:

My biggest affirmation is you've really deepened all of the characters in this revision. Their language is more specific, their desires are more clear, and I completely buy their relationships. John, in particular, has become more interesting to me (I always loved Betty and Anna). See the question section for a little more on John...

I also really like the integration of the poetic language - as I said in class, it helps me believe in the possibility of magic in this play. Does this kind of language permeate act one as well?

The last moment of the play is lovely.

I really love the way Anna is situated as the center of this world and other characters kind of revolve around her. And yes it doesn't feel like she's the only developed character - just that her POV is the one the audience is asked to take. Which is doubly interesting because she's less easy to sympathize with than Betty and John. Very cool.



Questions:

This question would have been answered if I'f been able to see act one, but i'll ask it anyway... as an audience, are we building up to Anna's confession of her "black widow-ness"? I'm sure that we are building a tension of "why is she so afraid of commitment?" "Why does she act so strangely in relationships?" but I'm not sure those tensions alone earn the black widow confession. Are there other clues peppered throughout? The black widow conversation feels a little unearned right now, and I'm not sure whether smaller cues will help us with that, or if the black widow idea is just one too many interesting ideas in this play.

In this draft I started to really get a sense of how the idea of memory/fogetting/choosing to forget was connected to choices around Anna's ability to love and commit. I'm not sure that I can TOTALLY articulate how it's connected - the emotional logic was there for me, but I think you could push it further so that the parallels and connections are a *little* more on the surface. Connected to this, I wonder about how John is connected to ideas of memory and forgetting. The connection is a little less tricky with Betty for me - maybe because the themes of aging and femininity that are also tied up in the hair idea can apply to her more directly. While John has become more likable and interesting in this draft, he still seems a bit like he's only a character in reference to Anna. How might he connect more to the forgetting? What does he want to forget? What are his thoughts on remembering painful memories? How could the hair/memory stuff be related to the ways that he fights to keep Anna?

Opinion:

As you know, I have trouble with Carol in the play. I think she's a fun character (and so beautifully performed by Allison) but I think the structures you've set up (at least in act two) are just aching for this to exist as a three-person play. Like a little atom with Anna at the center. I have an image of this play becoming more and more tightly would as Anna negotiates her love, loss, memory, and commitments with John and Betty. Every time I add Carol into this mental image, that momentum and tightness diffuses...This may not be true in act one, but in act two she feels SOMEWHAT like a character who is there to offer Anna a chance to express herself verbally in ways that she can't with J and B. But to this I say, there are much more interesting ways for Anna to express herself (a la the scene where we watch her cut her own hair). Ok, I'll stop banging the kill Carol drum. I just think she might need her own play and to leave this one to the very dynamic trio at it's center.

Nice job in class - you both have done great work, and the restructuring of act two feels really right!

George's Final Response to "Feel the Bend"

AFFIRMATIONS
It was great to hear/see so many of the in-class discussions come to fruition. You both clearly investigated questions in the previous classes that you genuinely cared about and incorporated them into the latest draft.

Great new Carol/Anna scenes - did not miss the office at all.

I LOVE the Betty drowning section, particularly the "it wasn't your fault" chorus.

"Unexpected oasis" rules.

Liked the motion™ of the jump into bed with John after only one pick-up scene.

Continue to love the "married someone else before Marie got back" line

Great work, you two - "Feel the Closure."

QUESTIONS
John's dialogue in their first "in-bed" scene sounded like they'd been involved for some time. Is that true?
What leads Betty to swim her final swim?

OPINIONS
1st scene of 2nd act - "Anna, I don't want to lose you" ends the scene. I'm curious to hear how that scene would continue. How would Anna respond?

Betty's poetic interludes are great, but have the effect of making her seem deeper and more interesting than Anna. In general, Betty has become a great, complicated character (yay!)- the only danger with that is that to me she's become more interesting than Anna and feels like the main character of the play.

I wonder if there's some way to combine all three characters' reactions to Anna cutting her hair into one scene? (Anna in the middle, having a simultaneous conversation with all three?)

Here's a biggie - take it or leave it as you please. The play increasingly seems about relationships (the new opening and closing push it even farther this way) and as a result, I am less interested in the hair and black widow aspects of the script. The hair used to be the hook of the play to me, but now it feels like an unecesary appendage. Which is a credit to all the work you've done on the relationship material. Again, take or leave.

Again, great work to you both.

George's Final Response to "Saving Mom"

AFFIRMATIONS
I think I've said it before and I'll say it again - Soo-JIn, great work on your willingness to explore your play and its characters, to be such a restless interrogator of your work. You are to be commended and props to Carrie for spurring you on.

As I said in class, I felt the characters become more human in your last bunch of pages. I believed they were a family and one that loved each other despite what they had put each other through. The use of insults now clearly hides or is a defense for the need the characters feel toward each other. Nice work.

I also enjoyed Sunshine steppin' out in these pages and becoming her own woman. I wasn't sure what age she was now, but I really enjoyed her scenes with Denny and their exploration of the world they've been presented with.

I continue to relish the moments when the dialogue seems to be untranslatable Korean.

I like the dad owning a McDonald's. Good change.

Great work, you two!

QUESTIONS
Are Mom and the Rev conducting their affair in the very same McD's that Dad owns?
How does Harriet go from hating the Rev to caring for him in the hospital?
The Rev dirty talk was great - is it only "allowed" in voice mail?
Was the Rev's nickname always "the perv"? Where did it come from? Before or after his attempted molestation? Or was it after the phone call?


OPINIONS
My main affirmation/opinion is that you have presented yourself with so many wonderful ideas and directions for your play this semester. Now you have the luxury of sifting through them and choosing which avenues appeal to you the most and following them. I can't wait to see what happens.

Congrats to you both!

Carrie's Final Response to Feel the Bend

First, I'm sorry I couldn't attend the full read through after class (the class I TA for had a workshop with the Rude Mechs) so my comments pertain to the shape and content of the 2nd act as they were when read in class yesterday.

AFFIRMATIONS:/OBSERVATIONS
(As promised Michael!) Nice sense of closure/completion by focusing our attention back on your initial goals--the work that you both have done in class and with Leslie seems to have flowed in a smooth trajectory toward those goals. It was even nicer to hear Priscilla say that this was not so much a conscious effort but seemed to come right out of the work itself. I think I said in my first post that the strength of your collaboration seemed to come out of a really keen and acute listening to the play and letting it direct you, great work this semester!

It was lovely to see the play with actors--as I mentioned in class, just in watching John adjust the height of the music stand and watching Jon and Betty flow in and out of Anna's space helped me to understand Anna better and see the way that these different worlds and influences were washing over her and pulling at her.

The new structure of act 2 seems like a more aggressive and focused way to get into some of the big issues your play is grappling with. In the first few scenes the issue of commitment vs gender (as a way of making choices/loyalties/self-defining) was really popping for me--the repetition of "This is not about the sex/This is just sex" (which actually functions as a play on words--the physical act of sex vis a vis commitment, or the biological gender--maybe i'm reaching here) came out in the alternation of scenes between Anna and Carol, Anna and Betty, Anna and John.

The above is really heightened by the strap-on scene, where the strap on becomes the physical object that takes the place of the elephant in the room--the placement of this scene *really* worked for me

Its really funny that Carol is threatened initially by Anna's description of bi-sexuality (But I don't WANT to sleep with a woman!)

Betty is a much stronger character in this revision--I particularly attached to the lines: "I won't make it that easy for you" and "At least I know there is a guilty bone in your body." John seemed much more likeable and understandable/much less slick and sleezy--(I love it when he talks about Marie) the line where he and Anna are talking about love that is something along the lines of "you just put it somewhere so you can go on" is heartbreaking.

The theme that was really popping for me in the second half of the 2nd act was the integration of dreams/memories/reality--its lovely how these lines blur, that there are memories of dreams, dreams of memories, and that both memories and dreams seem to have a way of structuring reality. I'm not sure if this theme is dealt with in the first act but it really gave me a way in to the "logic" of the play and made me feel (as I said in class) that the play was reflecting in its structure Anna's inner logic and journey.

The mesh between the first half of Act 2 and the second seemed to be around the idea of accidents, fate, control: that we don't pick who we love and can't control it, whether or not Anna could/does control how the people she loves dies

QUESTIONS

-The idea of forgetting as part of Anna's project (that she could control what she remembers/holds onto) becomes a strong theme that connects the hair to the "black widow" idea--but I'm not sure I totally understand why Anna decides to keep the hair

-Is Anna also losing her hair as well as pulling it out? (I'm sorry if that's answered in Act 1)
-Does Anna really love Betty? When did she stop? (before Jon? after John?)
OPINIONS

What I really loved in this version was the shortness of the scenes, the realistic feel of the conversation/dialogue in contrast to the sort of magical realism quality of the world of the play--I felt pulled out of that by the first scene between Anna and Carol--Anna seems very preachy/didactic in this initial scene which makes me a) not like her as much and b)lose that great contrast between the very believable and real quality of each individual scene against the larger magical quality of the progression of the scenes

I'm not sure I agree about there being an evolution in Anna's "insanity" (again, I don't read her as crazy--but) her level of losing touch with reality seemed somewhat static to me, and the response of those around her (Anna you need to get help, you should see someone, you should talk to someone) also seemed a little repetitive. I think that where the hair cutting comes in is great and is one spot that really anchors this trajectory, but it might be worth tracking what we learn in each of the scenes that show Anna losing it, and how the responses of those around her change/escalate etc

I had a really strong image in my head while listening to this act of a bed in the middle of the stage with a sort of gauzy/blue fabric draped over it that could be lofted from underneath to sort of roll like the ocean and spread out accross the stage in the dream scenes/ocean scenes--I don't know if that is useful, but that is what I was seeing throughout

I have to agree with Erica N's really insightful comment about both how powerful the round robin is at the end and how strange it is that Carol is sitting on the side-lines during this amazingly powerful scene--I wonder if there is a way that she might have a right to enter into this round some way--if she has a larger stake or is pulled into the themes of this play in a personal way that might earn her a slot in this ensemble?

Soo-Jin's Final Response to "Feel the Bend"

Affirmation:

Priscilla and Michael and Leslie. Wonderful, wonderful job. I can see you guys have worked so hard before and during the rehearsals. I am pleased to be a witness and part of your process today. Very good closure in class today.

(1) I noticed this time around more than any other time before how beautiful your language is, Priscilla. Phrases that stood out to me: "criteria that creates attraction," "when holding your hand made me wet," among others.

(2) Your scenes flowed naturally from one to the next. I told you I felt like your play was drifting on the ocean, going from one interesting space of discovery to the next. My favorite two scenes back to back was the monologue about Betty becoming a dolphin chasing Anna and the scene where we find out she has drowned ("It wasn't your fault."). Very intense and moving. You gave us two things to tie together. You let us fill in the blank in between, allowed us to sew together the logie. You get my point. Powerful.

(3) I love how you start scenes in the middle of the juicy part of conversations so I can slip in and participate in what's going on as a voyeur.

Questions:

(1) In the first act, I think this may be the second scene showing Betty and Anna together but I remember Ana being annoyed with Betty and I wasn't sure why. If you show me the script, I can point it out for you. Maybe it was in the acting but I think it was in the text, too. It seemed as if Anna was annoyed with Betty's stubbornness of staying home and not going to the beach...so Betty not being agreeable. My read on this scene may also be influenced because in previous drafts, Betty has always seemed agreeable and more well-adjusted than Anna. But then I may be filling in blanks...imagining Betty to be more out-going and friendly to folks than Anna, just cause we haven't seen scenes of Betty with other people. (Whoa, that was a long paragraph on one point...end of the semester delirium, pardon me. This one also rolled into strange opinion land.)

(2) What is Anna not getting from Betty?

Opinion:

I thought the hair system worked great in your current draft. One thing though for you to consider (throw this idea away if it doesn't float your boat) is that during the bed scene where Anna buries a hair in her book...I wanted that memory to come alive...for her to revisit and enter that memory...not necessarily in monologue form but happening on stage. I just felt that place just begged to be opened up. What is the first memory Anna would experience with her first hair? Going on with hair memories (I know you've been saying your play has a lot of scenes but I enjoy them so much...keep giving birth...hehe), I would love one of those memories to be when Anna fell for Betty. Another hair memory I'd love to see or be told about is when Anna felt the bend. When was the first time, last, etc. I just want to understand that concept better. Sounds cool but I'm not sure exactly what it means. And maybe I don't need to.

I hungered for the "hair" to be introduced earlier, not necessarily in a huge way where it deserves it own scene. But remember when Daniel picked up a hair from my t-shirt during our improv and started playing with it? I remember my own body and the other bodies in the room going "ahhhh." That was a magical moment and I give all the credit to Daniel. But something as simple as that. Perhaps when Carol and Anna are eating lunch and Anna gets fixated on Carol's hair or her own...doesn't have to verbalize anything. But just a simple motion can later be reflected as profound by the audience. On this hair notion, I would love to see somebody brushing Anna's hair. Just visually I see that being a rich moment.

The "black widow" confession feels abrupt to me and because it's placed near the end of the play, I feel it even more so. I am totally dipping into prescription land here so you can stop reading or read and completely disregard...but how about if the death of the football player or other people she fell in love with being scattered throughout the play...that it shows up earlier so when we get to the black widow speech, it's a nice payoff. Not sure if it's gonna work, but just a suggestion. I just wanna see that "black widow" aspect of the play build. It doesn't work as a surprise explanation for me or at least in this draft.

Like I told you already, I am very excited about your play. The characters, especially Jon and Carol have been fleshed out so much more. I love the discussion of the strap on between Ana and Betty. It's heartbreaking 'cause Betty is trying so hard to please and Ana is so over Betty sexually it seems.

Speaking of sex, I noticed today that Ana and Jon do not discuss the specifics of sex much. For instance, Betty mentions a strap on. Even Carol doesn't get much sex info. But that is just the lech in me wanting more...haha.

Beautiful work!

Soo-Jin

Michael's Final Blog on SAVING MOM!

Congratulations! It's been a good semester for y'all and for this play.

I'm going to start with Carrie's Before/After question: At the first of the semester I saw a bunch of interesting, disjointed scenes. Some I loved. Some I wasn't so crazy about. I craved more linearity. I craved cutting to the actions that really mattered. I craved answers to many questions. But that's not where you took me. Y'all made it messier and it worked!

The session and the pages that came from McDonalds are really cool to me. I have this visual of the world of this play. McDonalds is like a spool and the story is a very loosely wrapped piece of thread onto it. Meaning. It has loops and paths that diverge from the spool but return to the spool and the rest of the thread. The McDonalds holds this world together. I no longer need linearity. I, like Daniel, like it when things are happening simultaneously or seemingly haphazardly. And since y'all know me, it's kind of odd for me to say that. I say that when I genuinely believe the world of a play. I believe this one.

The exercise where the Rev and Mom were behind curtains was very interesting for me. I guess it just reinforces the proxemity of this relationship to hers with Dad and her lack of concern that they collide too much. I wonder if something like that can be in the play?

Q:
What is the purpose of introducing the Rev Wife?
Ditto, Denny?
Are they further threads that spin on this spool? Or are they a part of the plot?
(I like them there. Just asking. I always wondered about her. Why she was so not there? although there's sometimes power in a strong off-stage presence)

Opinion:

As the only class member who saw the reading over Easter, I caution against feeling like you have to add too much structure to it. I loved the way it read AT McDonald's and the way it read in class this week. But that day at your apt, I think you were trying to justify too much. To add a structure, explain a lot. (ironically to add that linearity I used to crave) It probably was a useful part of the process, but I think it shows well that you heard that too and the freshness was back into the pages we did in class! Congrats!

I love that I care about Mom now. I love the McDonald's. I love the work y'all've done this semester.

Erica N's Response to Saving Mom

Affirmations:

As I mentioned in class, I really love the ways that Mom's meanness seems to have more dimension in these current rewrites. You haven't lost the notion of jeong, or that the meanness ties her to those around her. But you've broadened this idea to include the ways tat the reverend participates in harsh words and the way that Sunshine repeats patterns. it's really lovely.

I also love the way that MacDonald's encroaches upon the space, and infiltrates all aspects of their lives - even their dreams. I feel like the artificiality, american-ness, addictive nature, and capitalist project of MacD's lends a wonderful framework for this story and family.

I like Denny - who is he? And do I like him solely because he gives Sunshine an outlet? I think If I saw the whole draft I'd probably like him for his own sake. But regardless, I like the introduction of him as a character.

I LOVE how you're not sure who the molestation dream belongs to. It could totally be Harriet, or Rev, or both. Way cool.

Questions:

How does the father's drinking figure into the new draft? How will his monologue to the author inform your work?

Who is Denny (other than Sunshine's Friend)?

After working on our timeline I still have questions about how the Mom and Rev met, whether she was already part of the church when they did, and what exactly the series of events - or really plot points - are between Harriet and Sunshine's childhood and Mom and Rev breaking up.

Opinions/Suggestions:

I hope you continue to play with those WONDERFUL moments where MacDonald's objects or activities are part of conversations and interactions. I love that there doesn't seem to be a prescriptive logic, and YET I completely feel like the world of your play is operating with rules. I guess what I mean is that I neither feel bored/ahead of the convention NOR unsure of the ways that the convention is operating. It's a delicate balance that you've created so skillfully!

I feel a little bit as though Harriet has dropped out of this draft...I think that's probably very useful as you work to understand the other characters in this world, but just know that this time through Harriet felt like the least developed or complex voice. On the other hand, her relationship/alliance with her father about money is an interesting addition.

Overall, GREAT work. Terrific rewrites with really juicy stuff. I'm really starting to see the architecture of this play, and you've managed to retain many of the discoveries and ideas that have come up during the semester.

Jenny's Response to Soo-Jin's Final workshop

AFFIRMATIONS

(1) As I said yesterday, I feel like there's a bravery and a sense of play to the writing you've been doing on "Saving Mom" this semester that is really exciting.
(2) I really liked hearing more about Sunshine and how she's been affected by the family dynamics.
(3) Like Carrie, I felt the air go out of the room when we heard the Rev's text message. I think it was a sense of just how deeply he is not what we imagine a reverend to be.
(4) It was really interesting to hear the Reverend's wife's voice yesterday.
(5) The timeline, and trying to create it in group, really opened up for me the things we don't know yet about this story, in a way that felt useful. Good-o.

QUESTIONS

(1) What were the circumstances of Mom and Reverend's first meeting?
(2) How sexual was Harriet before the Reverend came on to her?
(3) Is the Reverend's wife complicit in what has been going on between the two families?
(4) Why hasn't the Reverend's son married? Will his family be ending with his son's generation, and is that important or unimportant?
(5) How much truth was there in the close relationship that Mom was claiming to have with her daughters when she talked to Reverend.
(6) Does Sunshine know about/care about her pecking order in the family? Does Harriet? What impact does that pecking order have on the family's reaction to the events of the play?

OPINIONS
(1) I'm curious what each of the characters sees as the major events of "their play" within this play.
(2) I really like what you've got going on with Sunshine and Denny
(3) I liked the intimacy and mutual joking of the kitchen scene yesterday -- it added to my understanding of why the Reverend and Mom were together.

Affirmations:

Once again I’d like to commend you both for facilitating an interesting workshop that required all of the members of our class to invest themselves in the process; I hope that this session was as productive for you as it was for me (in terms of thinking about various dramaturgical exercises).

I enjoyed collaborating on the timeline—an activity the operated both as an act of memory and the construction of memory itself. The questions which emerged when creating the timeline are incredibly telling about possible structures for the play. That is, I was intrigued that there seemed to be so many possibilities for potential chronoloigies. Creating a “simple” linear timeline was incredibly difficult; so many moments appeared to be interchangeable with others (in terms of chronology). Creating the timeline also forced me articulate what I did and did not know about the play, and in this way, proved productive in evoking questions that member s of our classroom had. Some of the questions I have (to be posed below!) surfaced throughout this timeline activity.

The timeline activity was interesting juxtaposed against the “fairy tale” version of the script. Give the very prescriptive formula inherent to fairy tales, the two activities in combination with one another really encouraged me to think about what was inevitable (and what wasn’t) throughout the course of the play.

Question:

1. I think several people voiced this question yesterday, but I’ll do it again! I’m still wondering when Mom met Reverend…did she join his church and then meet him? Vice Versa?
2. How does the reverend feel about being a minister? We get snippets of this during the conversation about his inability to write interesting sermons, but I’m interested in more. Other than our understanding of him as the Reverend who (essentially) is having an affair with one of his parishioners, what does his Reverend-ness look like?
3. Mom has that entire conversation with the Reverend about boys and sleepovers, etc…what is Harriet’s history with boys, pre-Reverend?
4. What is the time gap in between Harriet telling her mother about the molestation and Mom leaving the Reverend?

Opinions:

As I stated in class yesterday—I’m also a huge fan of (as Carrie says), the McDonaldsization of your play, completely saturating the vocabulary, the body, the environment with McDonalds more and more as the play progresses.

In the reading of the new pages yesterday, it became clear that Mom and Harriet have similar fears. Harriet is terrified at the thought of becoming her mother, and Mom doesn’t want Harriet to repeat her mistakes either—there is an overwhelming desire to “improve” upon the mother in Harriet’s maturity. While this was very clear and seemed to crystallize at a particular moment for me, I’m wondering if that’s a thought that might be peppered throughout the play—I’m also now interested in whose histories we are afraid of recycling and repeating, and whose histories we are not.

Great work!

Soo-Jin's Response to "The Fourth"

Affirmations:

I got to attend your last class sharing on Tuesday where we read your current draft. You played with the structure and used the texting system more. I noticed you cut generously and that help give motion to the beginning of your play. We got right down to the story, which was good.

I love the true to life ness of your play world. You are putting a slice of suburbia under the microscope and I revel in it as you take us from character to character.

I love how Adrian is on a journey. I wonder what he will discover at the end of it.

I love your descriptions of the suburb they live in...They seem as important as your characters.

Questions:

(1) Not that this is hugely important, but I've been wondering since you started the play, who is out? For instance, Connor obviously isn't...he is in a sea of ambiguity. But Adrian, I wonder when he came out. Just cause that skews my perception of their relationship. For instance, if Adrian is a really out person, then I figure most folks who know Adrian and Connor would think something was up between them. People read things well.

(2) Is Adrian Connor's first? Vice versa?

(3) Now that Jessica has broken up with Connor, what does she want?

(4) Is Adrian oblivious of Seth's attraction for him or is he in denial?

(5) Where are all the adults?

Opinions:

One thing I missed from the class reading was Mia and Henry's relationship. I am not sure if they come into the script later as you have been working on it since the beginning of the semester. There is a lovely chemistry between these two who make me really enjoy your world. They are gentle and flirtatious. They capture teenage innocence (sounds like an oxymoron) in a way that Connor and Adrian do but differently. Mia and Henry's attraction may just be budding while Connor and Adrian have a "secret" relationship. Even so, the nature of the relationships feel different and I like this contrast in your play.

This is total opinion land but I want Adrian to not get what he wants but get something better. That sounds vague. But I want Adrian to be a hero at the end whether he gets Connor or not because he will learn something valuable about himself or of life in general.

I can't wait to hear what you've done to it.

Jenny's Response to The Fourth Workshops

AFFIRMATIONS

(1) I don't know that I was really all that aware of the different modes of communication you had going in The Fourth until we pulled them out to play with them in class...but as soon as we did, they really caught fire for me. This is an affirmation of doing so (and digging into the different things that txt vs phone vs see each other will do for the characters and the play) AND an affirmation for Robert in incorporating this into the play. One of those things that, once I see it, I wonder why every play isn't doing it. But it feels VERY right for these characters and this play.

(2) Way to go in upping the act (and, I think, upping the stakes) of what happened between Connor and Adrian. I think you get a lot of mileage out of it, whichever way you play it (top or bottom).

(3) Great that you showed us the "what went down" scene both ways...I think the differences between them aren't JUST in the act itself, but that the scenes generated a lot of good feedback. Nice to have those.

(4) I'm going to second what Erica said...and I think Carrie...that I think it's a nice choice to hold out on showing us Connor (just as Connor holds off on playing his hand...).

QUESTIONS
(1) Does Mia have a flip side?
(2) Why does Jessica go after Henry?
(3) Why is Henry back?
(4) Why did Connor and Jessica break up?
(5) Where are they?

OPINIONS
(1) You lose me, a little, when the characters do a lot of statement of feelings.
(2) I feel like you're really successfully creating a universe/universe of people with a certain set of rules, and that you help me to get that universe instantly.
(3) I want to feel like there is something bigger than any one person's interpersonal relationship at stake. Henry is the place where I think I feel that...I guess I find myself seeking out what is dark, and indelible/irrevocable, in the play...what are the things that can be changed and NEVER go back in the world of these characters?

Soo-Jin's Response to "Love Candy"

Observations:

Erica and Jenny, excellent work. You guys are so organized and made me wanna come to class...

Really enjoyed your new pages + first two experiments. Putting on makeup in front of a mirror with two people directly next to me made the ritual seem holy. Especially with the silence in the dressing room. In the midst of a busy schoolday, being confined to a mirror for a good length of time was an interesting exercise. At first, it was slightly embarrassing. I had to face myself. Then it became playful. It made me look at making oneself up a "special" thing to do instead of something one does quickly right before going out the door for school (in my case).

Doing the timeline let me take the time period of the play seriously. Before it was just wallpaper I didn't pay close attention to...but once I saw how political events mixed in with pop culture...I realized the 60s were an important time.

Both class periods made me feel closer to Candy.

I could see the influence of the class dramaturgy time on your new pages.

Even though there were familiar scenes in this new draft, I felt like they were slightly new to me because you redid the structure.

Normally, I am not a huge fan of countdowns but I LOVE it in your new draft.

You already know how fond I am of the HIPPIE scene. Both Candy and Hippie get to the essence of what they stand for, and at the end of their exchange, I think their universes have slightly shifted...or gotten larger. Certainly, I felt so as a listener.

I love how your stage directions evoke so much but are not necessarily lengthy. It helps me listen better. Just pointing out the essentials. Or highlighting a small detail but it becomes significant for me. Even something simple like "she holds a cigarette"...I see her pose, taking a breath, etc.

Questions:

1. How does Candy feel about Andy now that she is getting close to her death? Like does Candy care less about him as if Andy fades into the background and other people become more important?

2. Does Candy know she is dying? Or more specifically how aware is she that the countdown means the countdown to her mortal death? Or is it not? (I almost want her to be invincible...well, in my fantasy world) I linked the 15 minutes of fame to her last 15 minutes or seconds of being alive but there might be folks who don't get that reference. Just something to consider.

3. Does Candy believe in any sort of afterlife?

4. Who will she miss most when she's gone? What will she miss most when she is dead?

5. Who is Candy's best friend?

6. Has Candy ever had romantic feelings for anyone? Even if she didn't "fall in love"...

7. Is Candy ashamed of anything?

8. If Candy got what she wanted and became a full-blown woman, would she be happy or satisfied?

9. Did Candy know many other trans people?

Opinions:

I love how your current draft really digs deeper into who Candy is, how she became Candy, and also shedding light on the issues she had to deal with without become a issues-oriented play. Her outsider-ness made me feel closer to her.

Her voice even as she narrates seems to have more layers for me. I forget the line verbatim but something about God. She only mentions a sentence for two but that resonated with me.

Having said that, I agree that too much of the theory voice in her monologues take me out. It only happened twice during yesterday's reading though. Once in the beginning half. Once towards the end. I should have kept notes on the minutes and could bookmark better when that happened to me. The first time was when "blood, lips, illusion, stomach, spine" were mentioned. Right around that neighborhood.

I know she mentions hormone pills/hormone therapy but I think that will land with me more if I get a scene activiating that. Your new scenes are so powerful that activating her decision to go through this treatment in some way will make it clearer for me why she is sick.

Emily (electronic) Post

So as Patrick mentioned, I am a sucker for conventions (theatrical and otherwise--which usually makes me the Emily Post of dramaturgy) to that end I looked into some of the do's and don'ts of phone/text use as well as some of the problems/anxieties they've caused in relationships: here are some useful sites/posts (and then following it affirmations/questions etc--this is also an affirmation btw, i don't just run around doing dramaturgy for kicks duh! your sessions piqued my curiousity) viola Emily (electronic) Post

http://www.wirelessdevnet.com/newswire-less/thefeature04.html
(this is a personal favorite that i've copied, but haven't included the site)
______________
Hey guys,

I was casually seeing a guy about 6 months ago but we both got busy
and kinda lost contact (ok, he stopped calling). Well I saw him out a
few weeks ago and although we didn't have time to chat, we exchanged
numbers again. I didn't expect to hear from him but he has been
sending me quite a few text messages, and tried to call once last
week. I was stoked (if a little cautious).

I am all screwed up as to how to play this - it is a fine line between
showing interest and appearing desperate sometimes, so I am erring on
the side of caution and only responding to his messages when he asks a
question. Well he sent a message last night wishing me well in my
exams. I wanted to write back but decided not to. It is now the day
after and I am wondering whether this was rude? Should I have at least
said 'thanks'? Would sending a message over the weekend be okay? What
if I don't send any messages at all until he contacts me again... will
this make him want to chase me, or give up entirely??

I know this might seem trivial but come on, I'm on my study break so
overanalysing this stuff is my only outlet! Thanks for any
consideration.

Thanks,
SallyQ
___________________
http://www.textually.org/textually/archives/cat_cell_phone_etiquette.htm
(10 commandments for texting)

(some notes on gender and texting)
http://ny.metro.us/metro/blog/my_view/entry/Tricky_etiquette_of_text_messages/3815.html

cell phone etiquette:
http://www.roadandtravel.com/yougogirl/cellphone2.htm
from the above: another personal favorite:
One report: Two men in a cafe were beaten and their phones destroyed
by two others after the pair ignored repeated requests to curb their
loud and continuous yakking on their phones.
_________________________________________
AFFIRMATIONS:
There was a great specificity and focus to both of your sessions--I feel like you were able to really get in depth on the revisions and the conventions of communications, both of which struck some deep chords for the whole play. Well chosen and well executed.
(to be more specific)
REVISIONS
-I really like in the revision that we don't see Connor yet (because the conversation is via text and not via phone). For me this heightens the mystery and makes me much more curious about Connor and where this quest is going to lead to.
-Changing the kiss to sex also, I feel, gives much more depth to Adrian, there was much more of a sense in this revision that while yes, he has deep feeling for Connor, something has been changed/a line has been crossed to the point where he is no longer willing (not just unable) to play the part in the relationship that he has up to this point. What he has to "say" to Connor seems to be a combination of his feelings and his resolve to stick up for himself/ask for something more/change what has been going on.
-I think having the two revisions side by side also really brought out to me the importance of Mia and Adrian's relationship, both in terms of how much we can learn about one from the other, and also in a sort of meta-textual way that when in the second revision Adrian's energy was brought down, Mia's came down too.
-I really liked Erica N's comment about these being the cool kids that you want to be--I think in the first revision we really feel that, that these are a group of people who have all sorts of valence of attraction to each other and we both desire to be them/be with them/or just be along for wherever this day is going to take them
TEXTING
I think the above links (there are a million more if you put in cell phone or text etiquetteor "why won't he text me back) speaks to how topical these conventions are and how much of ourselves can be read in the ways in which we manipulate the technologies of communication we have at hand. I noticed in the second day that whenever there was down-time a lot of spontaneous conversation broke out in class around how we use or don't use our phones and texts/where the boundaries are etc.

As we worked through these excercises I saw these technologies becoming more personalized for each character--and some technologies seemed to work better for certain people. Mia for instance, is as radiant in person as she is over text. Jessica seems well suited to the phone (she can hang up on people) both Seth and Henry seem somewhat hesitant with technology period. There is something incredibly interesting in allowing the audience to see the characters in the moments when they are negotiating their technology (that moment when you send a text and your not sure if you should or shouldn't have) and of course putting a private message up on a screen for the audience to have access to or overhearing a conversation has a lovely voyeuristic quality to it.

QUESTIONS:
I'm most curious about Henry-where did he go, why did he come back, what does his leaving and coming back mean to the characters (Do they want to leave this town too? Is it very novel for someone to leave this town?) For some reason I see Henry's coming back as some how related to whatever funk Connor is in/stuck in, despite the fact that they are the two characters who are most removed from one another. Why does Henry say that Mia is someone he thought about seeing (if she was 10 at the time--what was their previous connection?) Why does he recognize Jessica but not Henry?

Why are all these people here? Are they on summer vacation? Do they all live here all the time? Are they stuck in a sort of post-high school stagnation?

I wonder, when the characters are putting each other into their phones, what names they put them down as. I know that I have so many Dave's Jenny's and Sarah's in my phone that I have long ago resorted to more creative options (sometimes somewhat embarrasing) is it just their names? their last names? something descriptive? Particularly interesting, again if this is something the audience can see them doing.
(this is perhaps erring on the side of opinion)

OPINION
RE: the top/bottom question--I actually think it would be an interesting choice to make Adrian the top but to hold on to the energy/enthusiasm/excitement of the first revision, in a way I think it might help with some of my wants for Connor below.

I wonder if the texting style of each of these characters might betray a little more of their personalities? I can imagine Seth using longer lines and taking the time to spell everything out (like his journal) Mia is all about the abbreviations (LOL, Sk8 etc) what other little pecadillos might each of these characters use when negotiating these technologies that might amplify their characters?

I really love the projection of the texts on the screen, but I was also struck by how theatrical it was in class to hear people acting out text messaging--funny and heightened

I feel like the longer we can go without actually seeing Connor (and his room) the more the suspense builds and the more I want to get there on the journey--that being said, i think you do a great job of making all the points along the journey interesting and enjoyable that I do enjoy the ride

I'm wanting more from Connor (i guess everyone is). I'm wanting to understand what his ish is and to see some sort of development in him--I also wonder if there are similarities between the way he was with Jessica and the way he has been treating Adrian--his gross dark room is like this penitent cell, and I wonder if there isn't a sense that he's stuck in some kind of pattern or refusal that he needs to be or is ready to be pushed out of? I don't necessarily need to know the why of it.

I hope this helps, really great sessions, and thank you Robert so much for teaching me how to use my predictive text better, I've already passed this info on to a few people--maybe you are the real Emily (electronic) Post

Erica N.'s response to "The Fourth"

Affirmations:

First of all, I just want to repeat that I really love these characters and the relationships you've set up among them Robert. I remember working on this piece last year in our directing group and realizing how nuanced and heartfelt the feelings between the characters in that world are. It's nice to see that develop and deepen even as you try lots of different plot choices.

I think it's great that both days of class were so much fun to participate in - both because, well, we all like to have fun, and because I think our experience of having a good time while grappling with serious questions mirrors the general feeling and tone of the play.

I loved that on the second day, we worked with Mia/Henry and Jessica/Henry relationships. I think it's really smart that as you do your thinking about the exact nature of Adrian and Conner's relationship you are letting ideas about other connections permeate your work - I think this is a good way to begin to set up parallels and juxtapositions that can really pay off.

I also really love the ways you've started to use text messaging as a kind of hyper-reality, rather than just a way to forward the plot. Can't wait to see more of this!

Questions:

I was surprised to see Jessica flirting with Henry. They've never interacted in earlier drafts - I'd like to know more about why she's interested in him - does she remember him from when they were young? Are they meeting for the first time? I like that there's interaction there - I'm just looking forward to knowing more about it.

What does Adrian like about Conner? I know how Conner makes him feel, but I don't know why.

Is there any sense of being trapped in this neighborhood? I know Mia had that one speech about getting out - I guess I'm interested in the tension between the comfort and seeming stability of this place and the fact that their lives and desires can feel bounded by the place they live.

Do they all live with their parents?


Opinions:

I love Seth - I hope you don't cut him.

It's going to take a certain pair of actors to carry off the sexualized banter between Adrian and Mia - I don't want to say be careful, but just keep you ear/eye open as you continue to revise to make sure that the women in this play don't fall into a few of the stereotypes that they are most of the time *consciously and ironically* playing with.

Overall great work in the sessions - it was fun to be a part of and seemed really well-organized to give you information you needed.