Affirmations:
I just have such a soft spot for this play. Even when characters are talking in their most sexualized and sexist language, I believe that it comes from deep need and vulnerability. You walk a fine line but I think the heart of this play keeps you on track and us invested in these people.
I want to reiterate my enjoyment of the voice-mail sequence. Love it.
I also think you deserve props for being tuned in enough to your own process to know when you need to write something (like the Seth/Adrian scene) for your own sanity rather than to set something in stone.
I think this count as as an affirmation: I think it speaks really well of your play and your and Patrick's process this semester, that the class seemed so much on the same page. Everyone seemed to be most invested in the same relationships, and most felt the same things were missing. This makes me think that you're in a place now where you can really start to nail down the essential elements and ideas of the play, and then concentrate your efforts on action. Exciting!
Questions:
I still wonder about the independence of these characters in terms of their parents. Do they all live with their parents? Some of them? None of them? What's keeping them in the neighborhood? How does Henry play into this dynamic?
What purpose is Jessica serving in the story? I understand why you need the idea of her, but I'm not sure I understand her physical presence. I think partly this is because she's that character that feels like she teeters most dangerously toward problematic gender representation...but it might also be because she feels peripheral to the *action* of the piece, if not the relationships..
Opinions:
I think you've done AMAZING work this semester solidifying conventions, characters and relationships. My opinion is that your next step is to really concentrate on action and plot. What are the big events of this journey? (Also, I want to say: don't be afraid of linearity *if* you want to keep the idea of an odyssey. There's a momentum to the idea of a quest that gets a little lost in some of the flashbacks.) What is the re-cap version of this story? If someone said, "what happens in this story?" and you had to say it back to them with the linking phrases of "and then...", "so," and "but" what would that story be?
I really want to see the scene at the park under the fireworks!
Great work this semester!!!
Monday, May 7, 2007
Friday, May 4, 2007
Priscilla's final reponse to Love, Candy
Affirmations:
I am both interested and attracted to the Candy Darling you have created. I think it is incredibly difficult to create a single character (or almost single character) play and keep the audience attentive, but your character is so compelling that she can carry the play. I love the device of the one male/one female actors to play all of the other roles. I think it works well because it keeps our focus on Candy -- we never really invest in any of the many characters that they each play. I look forward to seeing/hearing more from this play.
Opinion:
It was a great exercise to allow us to pull apart your text the other day and assign new voices and roles. I believe that Candy's real life and what you've created are both rich enought that the play could be done either way and be successful. It would certainly be a totally different play though, and I have to think that it would cost Candy a good degree of her agency.
Question/Opinion:
Was the blackboard thing that you did during the NWF reading part of the script? It didn't seem in keeping with the rest of the play and really took me away from Candy and her story. I like the anatomy lesson, but wanted it to be directly tied to her and how she feels cheated by the time in which she lives.
Question/Opinion:
On the one hand, I really agree with your idea of not making Candy overly beautiful/feminine on stage (so as it doesn't turn into a drag show). But on the other hand, it also sort of seems untrue to the real Candy, as she so did not look like a man in a dress and make-up. In the pictures I've seen of her, she very much appears to be a female. I'm wondering how you might be able to give her that appearance and not make her stage transition drag-campy. I feel there's got to be a way to do it. (Don't you just love questions without possible solutions?)
I am both interested and attracted to the Candy Darling you have created. I think it is incredibly difficult to create a single character (or almost single character) play and keep the audience attentive, but your character is so compelling that she can carry the play. I love the device of the one male/one female actors to play all of the other roles. I think it works well because it keeps our focus on Candy -- we never really invest in any of the many characters that they each play. I look forward to seeing/hearing more from this play.
Opinion:
It was a great exercise to allow us to pull apart your text the other day and assign new voices and roles. I believe that Candy's real life and what you've created are both rich enought that the play could be done either way and be successful. It would certainly be a totally different play though, and I have to think that it would cost Candy a good degree of her agency.
Question/Opinion:
Was the blackboard thing that you did during the NWF reading part of the script? It didn't seem in keeping with the rest of the play and really took me away from Candy and her story. I like the anatomy lesson, but wanted it to be directly tied to her and how she feels cheated by the time in which she lives.
Question/Opinion:
On the one hand, I really agree with your idea of not making Candy overly beautiful/feminine on stage (so as it doesn't turn into a drag show). But on the other hand, it also sort of seems untrue to the real Candy, as she so did not look like a man in a dress and make-up. In the pictures I've seen of her, she very much appears to be a female. I'm wondering how you might be able to give her that appearance and not make her stage transition drag-campy. I feel there's got to be a way to do it. (Don't you just love questions without possible solutions?)
Priscilla's final reponse to Fourth of July
Affirmations:
I still love this play. I love the town, the 4th, and each of the characters. Each time you’ve brought in new pages, I feel the relationships of the characters are deeper and more specific – but at the same time the characters have stayed true to their original selves and you have managed to keep the great story you’re telling.
I was thinking about our discussion in class of the nostalgia we all have for the 4th – and it’s so true that everyone has their mythology surrounding it. I feel that way about the community you’ve created in your play as well. I did not have the small town, Fourth of July experiences that you write about, but there is something so true in the place and the community, that it resonates for me nonetheless.
I particularly liked the changing out-going messages you brought in this week – brilliant and effective. I hope you find a place to incorporate them into your play.
Opinion:
You play has made me think a lot about how we communicate through different mediums. I like the way you have sometimes used the different mediums to counter one-another or as subtext. I think you could do more.
I love the pink pool and Adrian arriving at Connor’s. I hope it manages to stay in the play.
I think it is more effective to never have Seth get what he wants (Adrian). For some reason, it makes us connect with him and invest in him more.
Question:
I was wondering about Connor living with his parents and having the party. He says they’re coming home the next day and invites Adrian to stay over and help him clean up in the morning. But then there was something about another party the next day – I forget now exactly what it was – but it seemed to me something that would be particularly problematic given that the parents would be back home.
I still love this play. I love the town, the 4th, and each of the characters. Each time you’ve brought in new pages, I feel the relationships of the characters are deeper and more specific – but at the same time the characters have stayed true to their original selves and you have managed to keep the great story you’re telling.
I was thinking about our discussion in class of the nostalgia we all have for the 4th – and it’s so true that everyone has their mythology surrounding it. I feel that way about the community you’ve created in your play as well. I did not have the small town, Fourth of July experiences that you write about, but there is something so true in the place and the community, that it resonates for me nonetheless.
I particularly liked the changing out-going messages you brought in this week – brilliant and effective. I hope you find a place to incorporate them into your play.
Opinion:
You play has made me think a lot about how we communicate through different mediums. I like the way you have sometimes used the different mediums to counter one-another or as subtext. I think you could do more.
I love the pink pool and Adrian arriving at Connor’s. I hope it manages to stay in the play.
I think it is more effective to never have Seth get what he wants (Adrian). For some reason, it makes us connect with him and invest in him more.
Question:
I was wondering about Connor living with his parents and having the party. He says they’re coming home the next day and invites Adrian to stay over and help him clean up in the morning. But then there was something about another party the next day – I forget now exactly what it was – but it seemed to me something that would be particularly problematic given that the parents would be back home.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
erica s.'s final blog on saving mom.
(finally)...
Affirmations:
Soo-Jin, your voice is so consistently funny and touching- each new draft/scene/version of this play holds and displays this humor and heart in a thrilling way.
I really enjoy your explorations of theatrical conventions in the newest draft- specifically what having it set in McDonald's has done for you... it seems like by containing it in this way all sorts of creative and fantastic(al) doors have been opened! There is also something really smart about McDonald's... the things that McD's represents in our culture (and the world) parallel this play in a really smart way. (this might be very obvious and so I will not expand but if you want me to explain what I mean by that I'm happy to!)
Questions:
What (or who) is the nucleus of this play? or-
What (or who) is the thing that is necessary to everything (or everyone) else?
Opinions:
My biggest, most opinionated opinion- is that I don't see how the molestation is necessary (or even part of) the story any more.
It feels as though you have about 3 possible plays here... or that there are 3 major stories at work- the molestation being one of them- but it seems like you have started writing away from that... that your exploration of the mom/rev story has really exploded and is (for me) what wants to be driving the play.
Affirmations:
Soo-Jin, your voice is so consistently funny and touching- each new draft/scene/version of this play holds and displays this humor and heart in a thrilling way.
I really enjoy your explorations of theatrical conventions in the newest draft- specifically what having it set in McDonald's has done for you... it seems like by containing it in this way all sorts of creative and fantastic(al) doors have been opened! There is also something really smart about McDonald's... the things that McD's represents in our culture (and the world) parallel this play in a really smart way. (this might be very obvious and so I will not expand but if you want me to explain what I mean by that I'm happy to!)
Questions:
What (or who) is the nucleus of this play? or-
What (or who) is the thing that is necessary to everything (or everyone) else?
Opinions:
My biggest, most opinionated opinion- is that I don't see how the molestation is necessary (or even part of) the story any more.
It feels as though you have about 3 possible plays here... or that there are 3 major stories at work- the molestation being one of them- but it seems like you have started writing away from that... that your exploration of the mom/rev story has really exploded and is (for me) what wants to be driving the play.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Third on the Fourth, by Carrie
Ok, so obviously the stage directions--totes great--How often do I get to say crotch and erection and "pulsing movement" in an academic envirnoment? (It's usually phallus, tumescent phallus, and jouissance).
[segue into real affirmations]
AFFIRMATIONS
I loved the tension between how honest the scene is (watching porn with someone else--how often do we see this?), how personal it is, and yet how during the whole scene there is a level of dishonesty operating. I really liked the comment that "this is what Connor has to do"/his ritual of pretend accidental bonerism with Adrian. Its so clear that Connor is controlling/orchestrating this scene without wanting to take any responsibility for it--like when you to come up for coffee and your pretending, oh yeah, i'm just making coffee--oh yeah, no, we're just you know, watching porn for porn's sake and oh, well now i have an erection, and what am i going to do about that? (And I love that there are 29 other gangbang girl's)
This scene also really brought back those pictures we drew of Connor's room as musty/dirty bachelor den
-I've loved all the new scenes you've brought in, particularly the ones having to do with technology and pushing it as far as it can go--I agree with Erica N that these are the moments that the play becomes most theatrical (pushing such a non-theatrical/technological convention to its extremes). Sometimes on major holidays when everyone is trying to call one another you get those "system busy" or "call failed" messages which are super annoying/also bad news when you accidentally send a text to the wrong person which is so easy to do, or even just everyone's phone slowly running out of juice one by one. I also really liked the idea of the phone breaking at some point and (moving to question for second half of thought)
Questions:
Wonder if the breakdown in technology might coincide with some of theold fashioned "magic" of the fourth, fireworks, simpler ways that people are related, come together on this very traditional/community/homey holiday?
What if Connor's favorite moment in the porn was a blow job scene--or is that too pointed?
Does Connor watch porn with his other friends? (Dave and Gerald?) I realize that was part of the "oh no, this is just porn" but still, I wondered if this is a "guy thing" or what (this scene and the discussion of what does it feel like to be in a pussy seems like the most honest discussion/aknowledgement of Adrian's sexuality btw between Connor and Adrian--which I really liked)
(ooooh, what if it was Jessica's?)
I wondered when you raised S.'s comment of there not being more writing needed if you feel like there is (it seems like it if you raised the question)
-I still have a lot of questions about Henry (sort of in response to that) which may be repetitions of my last blog, but i wonder why he is back, what it means to leave this town (if that is rare) what it means to him to come back, why he is trying to keep such a low profile, and what his relationship is to Connor (I kind of love Michael's suggestion that he is Connor's older brother--I think the connection I feel with Connor and Henry is that Connor seems so stagnant and stuck in one place and Henry is obviously has made choices: to go and to come back--i feel like this choice/non-choice is related or in response to a similar something)
-I'm *really* curious as to what happens after the scene you brought in between Seth and Adrian--I would assume that Adrian extricates himself, but I really wanted to see what was going to happen even knowing that--though there is something a little creepy about Seth almost taking advantage of Adrian when he is wasted and flailing around in a kiddie pool, then again, kinda sad, first year he was too drunk to do anything, second Adrian was too drunk to know what was going on or remember
-I like Connor a whole lot more than I did initially (and think he is a lot more layered) but I am still not really sure what he is going through and dealing with, what he wants, why he is doing what he is doing
-Did Connor love Jessica when they were together?
OPINION
(I sort of feel like my opinions creeped into my questions and comments...so not a lot of comments)
Ok, just as someone said that they didn't believe Connor drank fancy whiskey I'm not sure i have Mia pegged as a New Castle kinda girl.
Jessica seems almost too pathetic in the voice mail scene (yes I know, she is the character who forced herself on her ex and then tried to get Henry to come over) but I wonder if she can't have just a little bit of dignity, or at least end up with one of the other porn swapping boys. Where is she when the fireworks go off? really still at home?
Really wonderful writing and workshops all semester!
[segue into real affirmations]
AFFIRMATIONS
I loved the tension between how honest the scene is (watching porn with someone else--how often do we see this?), how personal it is, and yet how during the whole scene there is a level of dishonesty operating. I really liked the comment that "this is what Connor has to do"/his ritual of pretend accidental bonerism with Adrian. Its so clear that Connor is controlling/orchestrating this scene without wanting to take any responsibility for it--like when you to come up for coffee and your pretending, oh yeah, i'm just making coffee--oh yeah, no, we're just you know, watching porn for porn's sake and oh, well now i have an erection, and what am i going to do about that? (And I love that there are 29 other gangbang girl's)
This scene also really brought back those pictures we drew of Connor's room as musty/dirty bachelor den
-I've loved all the new scenes you've brought in, particularly the ones having to do with technology and pushing it as far as it can go--I agree with Erica N that these are the moments that the play becomes most theatrical (pushing such a non-theatrical/technological convention to its extremes). Sometimes on major holidays when everyone is trying to call one another you get those "system busy" or "call failed" messages which are super annoying/also bad news when you accidentally send a text to the wrong person which is so easy to do, or even just everyone's phone slowly running out of juice one by one. I also really liked the idea of the phone breaking at some point and (moving to question for second half of thought)
Questions:
Wonder if the breakdown in technology might coincide with some of theold fashioned "magic" of the fourth, fireworks, simpler ways that people are related, come together on this very traditional/community/homey holiday?
What if Connor's favorite moment in the porn was a blow job scene--or is that too pointed?
Does Connor watch porn with his other friends? (Dave and Gerald?) I realize that was part of the "oh no, this is just porn" but still, I wondered if this is a "guy thing" or what (this scene and the discussion of what does it feel like to be in a pussy seems like the most honest discussion/aknowledgement of Adrian's sexuality btw between Connor and Adrian--which I really liked)
(ooooh, what if it was Jessica's?)
I wondered when you raised S.'s comment of there not being more writing needed if you feel like there is (it seems like it if you raised the question)
-I still have a lot of questions about Henry (sort of in response to that) which may be repetitions of my last blog, but i wonder why he is back, what it means to leave this town (if that is rare) what it means to him to come back, why he is trying to keep such a low profile, and what his relationship is to Connor (I kind of love Michael's suggestion that he is Connor's older brother--I think the connection I feel with Connor and Henry is that Connor seems so stagnant and stuck in one place and Henry is obviously has made choices: to go and to come back--i feel like this choice/non-choice is related or in response to a similar something)
-I'm *really* curious as to what happens after the scene you brought in between Seth and Adrian--I would assume that Adrian extricates himself, but I really wanted to see what was going to happen even knowing that--though there is something a little creepy about Seth almost taking advantage of Adrian when he is wasted and flailing around in a kiddie pool, then again, kinda sad, first year he was too drunk to do anything, second Adrian was too drunk to know what was going on or remember
-I like Connor a whole lot more than I did initially (and think he is a lot more layered) but I am still not really sure what he is going through and dealing with, what he wants, why he is doing what he is doing
-Did Connor love Jessica when they were together?
OPINION
(I sort of feel like my opinions creeped into my questions and comments...so not a lot of comments)
Ok, just as someone said that they didn't believe Connor drank fancy whiskey I'm not sure i have Mia pegged as a New Castle kinda girl.
Jessica seems almost too pathetic in the voice mail scene (yes I know, she is the character who forced herself on her ex and then tried to get Henry to come over) but I wonder if she can't have just a little bit of dignity, or at least end up with one of the other porn swapping boys. Where is she when the fireworks go off? really still at home?
Really wonderful writing and workshops all semester!
Erica S.'s (final) blog on the fourth!
Affirmations:
First of all, I really loved the stuff you brought in yesterday...
The characters have become more and more complicated and real and therefore more and more engaging and sympathetic.
I am especially keyed into and invested in the Connor/Adrian relationship ... (and the fact that the new scenes are really hot doesn't hurt.)
I really enjoyed the explorations of how voicemail can be used in a dramatically exciting and communicative way. I thought that the reveal of internal thoughts through voicemail was brilliant- it seems like such a consistent impulse of yours to get the internal monologue out - and this way of doing it is really taking advantage of your voice and what play logic allows us in a great way! (that was a really convuluted sentence... i hope it makes sense)
Questions:
What happens to characters who get what they want? (as in, what would Seth be left desiring if he got Adrian? or Adrian if he got Connor?)
How old are these characters? (lame question, but I've never been quite sure)
Would ALL of the characters ever be in the same space at the same time? What are the overlaps?
Opinions:
I've really enjoyed watching this play develop. I am endlessly interested in the characters and their individual desires/problems/quests... However, I don't know that I have any overarching questions or story to hang on to... I"m also not sure that I care at this point- but it seems like for you to find your ending there might be some distillation of story that needs to happen? maybe not.
I'm looking forward to hearing and seeing more. I feel like I really really know these people and want to know what happens to them. It's like fantastically juicy gossip (delivered through precise and skilled language)...
-Erica
Michael on "The Fourth," finally.
Robert, Patrick: Wow! Way to end the semester with a BANG!
(pun, double entendre intended)
Congratulations!
I so love this play now!
I have to admit when we started the semester, I was familiar with it from before. I liked things about it. I liked most of the characters, but I remember thinking it felt like a bunch of cool people looking for a story. And while you may not have every detail nailed down: You've found it!
I love how you've shaped this into Adrian's play. Full of Adrian's angst and unrequited love and increasingly requited sex and crossing back and forth across these threshholds. I feel like he has a bit of self-worth and he's in search of claiming it back--one way or another. I love how he seems to be tortured with the need for Connor, but his brain and something deep down says Seth. I love that Connor is coming around (no pun intended,) that this is forcing Adrian into a decision of sorts, and that it's going to be messy one way or another.
I love the motion and movement and journeys of this play. I hope you explore this even further. The movement in your presentation was very cool. I'd love to see more of it in how the story is told as well.
I second Daniel on your ability to capture voice and language of people exquisitely.
QUESTIONS:
Is Adrian journeying toward or away from the fireworks? Does this mean anything? In my head, he'd always been going away from them. And as we discussed in class yesterday, there's something very different about watching fireworks from the roof a mile away and lying on your back in the park underneath them. Could this dichotomy/symbolism be explored more? Which characters are going to see the fireworks on their backs (no pun intended, but an interesting one to ponder) and which ones are going to watch them from afar?
Ever thought about making Henry the estranged older brother of Connor? The brother that can't go home because something bad happened between him and his folks? That Mia isn't supposed to tell Adrian that he's back in town, but might? That Mia can't tell Henry about Connor's "explorations", but might? (Or might not?) This might add some tensions and tangle up their webs even more. (I've never thought of that before. It just popped into my head as I was thinking of questions. I thought of editing it because it isn't all well-thought out and is a bit prescriptive, but then in the spirit of responses bubbling up and knowing you'll take them and leave them as you will, I thought "what the hell.")
Are you still building toward the big fireworks show?
What if Seth has two shitty 4ths in a row?
Will Adrian make his decision actively? Or passively?
(definitely no pun intended! I think we explored active/passive quite well in class. I'm talking about the resolution--or not--of his love triangle)
IF the latter, will it be Seth or Connor who makes the decision for him?
FURTHER OPINIONS:
I'm not sure I like Adrian getting so drunk. It seems to be taking some of his responsibility away from his actions. Unless you're trying to make this a huge part of the stoy. I like that he's got this box of wine and that he's hitting it as he journeys. Although I imagine it gets hotter as he goes--well I guess that's just an assumption I've had that it's cheap chablis. If it's red, it doesn't matter. If it's white and getting warmer as the play goes on, then it starts making Adrian seem like a transient-level alkie. I'm not sure what the answer is on this. I can see it various ways. I just wanted you to know that it's something I thought about and I think you need to really think about to what level he gets drunk.
It might be my age, but technology/communication devices are the part of this play that carries the least heat for me. (I follow the characters and the angst and the excitement of the 4th and the journey, etc.) That being said, I think you've made some real progress in your use of cell phones and text messages in the play, and they are totally in character for this group of characters. But I caution to really think about each message, each voice mail (unrequited call), each picture sent via phone and make sure it's totally germane to the plot. There may still be some times this all feels more like atmosphere or convention to me.
YET, yesterday I loved the surreally honest voice mails. LOVED that scene. I don't think you could do that through out the play, but for one scene WOW! It's almost like you took the devices and are making fun of it and then using them to really tell what is happening. That moment can be very powerful and you can convey a lot of info in a memorable and cool way! A cool perception shift.
In conclusion, I applaud y'all's work on "The Fourth" this semester. I think y'all have cracked open so much and moved this play to a great place that you both should be proud of. I'm honored to have been a part of it and can't wait to see where it goes from here!
(pun, double entendre intended)
Congratulations!
I so love this play now!
I have to admit when we started the semester, I was familiar with it from before. I liked things about it. I liked most of the characters, but I remember thinking it felt like a bunch of cool people looking for a story. And while you may not have every detail nailed down: You've found it!
I love how you've shaped this into Adrian's play. Full of Adrian's angst and unrequited love and increasingly requited sex and crossing back and forth across these threshholds. I feel like he has a bit of self-worth and he's in search of claiming it back--one way or another. I love how he seems to be tortured with the need for Connor, but his brain and something deep down says Seth. I love that Connor is coming around (no pun intended,) that this is forcing Adrian into a decision of sorts, and that it's going to be messy one way or another.
I love the motion and movement and journeys of this play. I hope you explore this even further. The movement in your presentation was very cool. I'd love to see more of it in how the story is told as well.
I second Daniel on your ability to capture voice and language of people exquisitely.
QUESTIONS:
Is Adrian journeying toward or away from the fireworks? Does this mean anything? In my head, he'd always been going away from them. And as we discussed in class yesterday, there's something very different about watching fireworks from the roof a mile away and lying on your back in the park underneath them. Could this dichotomy/symbolism be explored more? Which characters are going to see the fireworks on their backs (no pun intended, but an interesting one to ponder) and which ones are going to watch them from afar?
Ever thought about making Henry the estranged older brother of Connor? The brother that can't go home because something bad happened between him and his folks? That Mia isn't supposed to tell Adrian that he's back in town, but might? That Mia can't tell Henry about Connor's "explorations", but might? (Or might not?) This might add some tensions and tangle up their webs even more. (I've never thought of that before. It just popped into my head as I was thinking of questions. I thought of editing it because it isn't all well-thought out and is a bit prescriptive, but then in the spirit of responses bubbling up and knowing you'll take them and leave them as you will, I thought "what the hell.")
Are you still building toward the big fireworks show?
What if Seth has two shitty 4ths in a row?
Will Adrian make his decision actively? Or passively?
(definitely no pun intended! I think we explored active/passive quite well in class. I'm talking about the resolution--or not--of his love triangle)
IF the latter, will it be Seth or Connor who makes the decision for him?
FURTHER OPINIONS:
I'm not sure I like Adrian getting so drunk. It seems to be taking some of his responsibility away from his actions. Unless you're trying to make this a huge part of the stoy. I like that he's got this box of wine and that he's hitting it as he journeys. Although I imagine it gets hotter as he goes--well I guess that's just an assumption I've had that it's cheap chablis. If it's red, it doesn't matter. If it's white and getting warmer as the play goes on, then it starts making Adrian seem like a transient-level alkie. I'm not sure what the answer is on this. I can see it various ways. I just wanted you to know that it's something I thought about and I think you need to really think about to what level he gets drunk.
It might be my age, but technology/communication devices are the part of this play that carries the least heat for me. (I follow the characters and the angst and the excitement of the 4th and the journey, etc.) That being said, I think you've made some real progress in your use of cell phones and text messages in the play, and they are totally in character for this group of characters. But I caution to really think about each message, each voice mail (unrequited call), each picture sent via phone and make sure it's totally germane to the plot. There may still be some times this all feels more like atmosphere or convention to me.
YET, yesterday I loved the surreally honest voice mails. LOVED that scene. I don't think you could do that through out the play, but for one scene WOW! It's almost like you took the devices and are making fun of it and then using them to really tell what is happening. That moment can be very powerful and you can convey a lot of info in a memorable and cool way! A cool perception shift.
In conclusion, I applaud y'all's work on "The Fourth" this semester. I think y'all have cracked open so much and moved this play to a great place that you both should be proud of. I'm honored to have been a part of it and can't wait to see where it goes from here!
Soo-Jin's Response to "The Fourth" (Final)
Fabulous new pages, Robert and Patrick!
Affirmations:
I LOVE the energy in the scenes we read yesterday. Something brave and vulnerable and engaging surfaced for me.
The porn/sex discussion felt real. FYI, it didn't sound like "this is our first time talking about sex," whether that was your intention or not. I liked the casual yet serious curiosity they both had about it.
I love when you messed with the answering message greetings in the 2nd scene. That was fun and humorous. I love when rules are broken with technology like that. When rules of repetition are broken. It's like a breath of fresh cool air on that hot July 4th day.
I enjoyed the play in your last set of scenes from yesterday. I also enjoyed how active Seth got even if it was just an exercise for you. Made me respect Seth more.
Questions:
1) This was the only time I've ever wanted to know more about Mia besides being Adrian's sidekick. I wonder what her wants are because she is a pretty big presence in your ensemble. Adrian is chasing after his dream guy. I wonder what Mia is struggling to chase...just so I know where her vulnerabilities may lie.
2) What keeps Connor from making his relationship with Adrian official/public?
3) How aware is Connor of his bisexuality?
4) Has Adrian had past lovers/interests?
5) What is something new that each person in the play discovers? It can be small or huge. I guess phrased another way, how is each person different by the end of the play?
6) Will Adrian stay "secret lovers" with Connor if that's the only choice Connor gives him?
7) What will Jessica's reaction be to finding out about Connor and Adrian having had a "past?"
Opinion:
I wanted the first scene to go further. Perhaps Connor asking Adrian how far he's gone with a girl, etc. What Adrian's first experience with a guy was like, etc... I felt this refreshing "truth or dare" playfulness in their banter but wanted more. Just hungry for more.
I've enjoyed the world you've created...where people are not pretentious. They just say what's on their mind. It's fun and engaging and has attitude. Can't wait to see more.
Affirmations:
I LOVE the energy in the scenes we read yesterday. Something brave and vulnerable and engaging surfaced for me.
The porn/sex discussion felt real. FYI, it didn't sound like "this is our first time talking about sex," whether that was your intention or not. I liked the casual yet serious curiosity they both had about it.
I love when you messed with the answering message greetings in the 2nd scene. That was fun and humorous. I love when rules are broken with technology like that. When rules of repetition are broken. It's like a breath of fresh cool air on that hot July 4th day.
I enjoyed the play in your last set of scenes from yesterday. I also enjoyed how active Seth got even if it was just an exercise for you. Made me respect Seth more.
Questions:
1) This was the only time I've ever wanted to know more about Mia besides being Adrian's sidekick. I wonder what her wants are because she is a pretty big presence in your ensemble. Adrian is chasing after his dream guy. I wonder what Mia is struggling to chase...just so I know where her vulnerabilities may lie.
2) What keeps Connor from making his relationship with Adrian official/public?
3) How aware is Connor of his bisexuality?
4) Has Adrian had past lovers/interests?
5) What is something new that each person in the play discovers? It can be small or huge. I guess phrased another way, how is each person different by the end of the play?
6) Will Adrian stay "secret lovers" with Connor if that's the only choice Connor gives him?
7) What will Jessica's reaction be to finding out about Connor and Adrian having had a "past?"
Opinion:
I wanted the first scene to go further. Perhaps Connor asking Adrian how far he's gone with a girl, etc. What Adrian's first experience with a guy was like, etc... I felt this refreshing "truth or dare" playfulness in their banter but wanted more. Just hungry for more.
I've enjoyed the world you've created...where people are not pretentious. They just say what's on their mind. It's fun and engaging and has attitude. Can't wait to see more.
Notes on "The Fourth" from Jenny
Robert and Patrick,
Great work this semester! You've made us all think so much harder about systems of communication, and in ways that seem to really be serving your play. I really look forward to seeing upcoming drafts of "The Fourth" -- I hope you keep me in the loop.
Comments,in no particular order:
-I love Mia
- It was really interesting to see the Seth/Adrian kiss scene yesterday, and people's reaction to it. You'd sort of expect us all to cheer when Seth gets Adrian, but it didn't play that way. Huh.
- I second George's love of the "subtext" voicemails, partly for the reasons Carrie described (it's what the listener is thinking when he/she gets voicemail) and partly, as George says, because it takes us further into the realm of the fantastic.
- I don't know that I WAS obsessed by the Fourth of July before we started working on this play (haven't seen fireworks in years) but thanks to you, I am now. I've actually been obsessing over this thing I read about ten years ago, when I lived in Valencia, Spain. I googled it and found it. It's in Spanish (so if you don't read Spanish, y'all, just scroll ahead) and it's LONG (sorry)...but I've been chewing on it and I didn't know if maybe you'd find something to chew on. Actually, you know what? I just tried to cut and paste it and it was WAY too annoying. The full text is on the following website.
http://www.marxists.org/espanol//////////////bajtin/rabelais.htm
I thought it got interesting beginning with the paragraph "La dualidad en la percepcion del mundo"
The upshot was its discussion of the cultural place of "la fiesta" -- the festival, the carnival, the holiday, loosely -- in ancient rome, in the middle ages, in "el pueblo" -- the town, the population, the people, loosely -- and how it both tears down and enforces the rules by which people live the rest of the time -- a temporary suspension of the Social Contract, if you will, to allow us to let off steam and live under it the rest of the time. It talks about high and low, official and unofficial fiesta, and the difference between the religious and state/official holiday. I got to thinking about where Independence Day might fall in that, and your characters, and I thought it might be useful to you. It's a little heady (yay, Marxist theorists discussing Rabelais), but it's something to read and forget and think about later. And I do think there's some resonance.
- At the risk of repeating what I said in class, part of me would like to see Adrian encounter more obstacles, or have whole journey twist somehow (Suzan's perception shift).
- Henry is still a character I'm really curious about.
- Jessica occupies an interesting space in this play. We haven't talked about her a lot, and I'm wondering what might lurk in the corners of this "straight ex-girlfriend," or how else she might represent Connor's world away from Adrian.
- Do Jessica and Mia know each other?
- Do Henry and Connor know each other?
- Do Henry and Adrian know each other?
- Who else does Seth know?
- How do these people act around each other normally? Is it the Fourth that has freed them?
Great, great work all semester. Your in-class exercises were so much fun, and so in the spirit of the play. I can't wait to read more!
Great work this semester! You've made us all think so much harder about systems of communication, and in ways that seem to really be serving your play. I really look forward to seeing upcoming drafts of "The Fourth" -- I hope you keep me in the loop.
Comments,in no particular order:
-I love Mia
- It was really interesting to see the Seth/Adrian kiss scene yesterday, and people's reaction to it. You'd sort of expect us all to cheer when Seth gets Adrian, but it didn't play that way. Huh.
- I second George's love of the "subtext" voicemails, partly for the reasons Carrie described (it's what the listener is thinking when he/she gets voicemail) and partly, as George says, because it takes us further into the realm of the fantastic.
- I don't know that I WAS obsessed by the Fourth of July before we started working on this play (haven't seen fireworks in years) but thanks to you, I am now. I've actually been obsessing over this thing I read about ten years ago, when I lived in Valencia, Spain. I googled it and found it. It's in Spanish (so if you don't read Spanish, y'all, just scroll ahead) and it's LONG (sorry)...but I've been chewing on it and I didn't know if maybe you'd find something to chew on. Actually, you know what? I just tried to cut and paste it and it was WAY too annoying. The full text is on the following website.
http://www.marxists.org/espanol//////////////bajtin/rabelais.htm
I thought it got interesting beginning with the paragraph "La dualidad en la percepcion del mundo"
The upshot was its discussion of the cultural place of "la fiesta" -- the festival, the carnival, the holiday, loosely -- in ancient rome, in the middle ages, in "el pueblo" -- the town, the population, the people, loosely -- and how it both tears down and enforces the rules by which people live the rest of the time -- a temporary suspension of the Social Contract, if you will, to allow us to let off steam and live under it the rest of the time. It talks about high and low, official and unofficial fiesta, and the difference between the religious and state/official holiday. I got to thinking about where Independence Day might fall in that, and your characters, and I thought it might be useful to you. It's a little heady (yay, Marxist theorists discussing Rabelais), but it's something to read and forget and think about later. And I do think there's some resonance.
- At the risk of repeating what I said in class, part of me would like to see Adrian encounter more obstacles, or have whole journey twist somehow (Suzan's perception shift).
- Henry is still a character I'm really curious about.
- Jessica occupies an interesting space in this play. We haven't talked about her a lot, and I'm wondering what might lurk in the corners of this "straight ex-girlfriend," or how else she might represent Connor's world away from Adrian.
- Do Jessica and Mia know each other?
- Do Henry and Connor know each other?
- Do Henry and Adrian know each other?
- Who else does Seth know?
- How do these people act around each other normally? Is it the Fourth that has freed them?
Great, great work all semester. Your in-class exercises were so much fun, and so in the spirit of the play. I can't wait to read more!
Jenny's Final Elephant Blog
Hi Erica and George,
Great, great job this semester! It's been really fascinating to watch the two of you approach the play -- I feel like a lot of the work you were doing was on as much of a micro-level as a macro-level, which was very instructive. I think that everything you've done has helped to clarify and magnify Mary's story, which is exciting. George, I'm gonna take a page from you and give my comments in no particular order.
- I love the Hungry Townsperson at the end. Like Carrie, I think the only reason he ever needs to give for his clear memory is that he eats peanuts; while the anthropologist/Henry James lover is totally interested in his liminality/outsider status, I think that's actually a function of the degree to which the play allows me to feel like "audience" -- because if I were in the audience, this is probably what I'd talk about at the coffee shop the next day.
- I liked just about everything you did to the text during NWF. George knows this already because I was sitting next to him and kept elbowing him at every change, saying "nice."
- At the risk of repeating what has been said in class and on the blog, I'm a fan of the Strongman, and his lyricism in the final monologue is nice. Don't know whether it was how he was played or the text, but I feel like he's still the character I'd like to see clarified and/or made more vital to the motion of events.
- Speaking of motion,I think a lot of the questions I still have relate much more to the play's staging, and how to keep a strong sense of motion going. The text certainly does; it's how to bring that same sense of vitality and push forward to a fully staged play. Given that as my lingering question, I am SO excited that we'll all get to see it staged next year, and that you'll have George's favorite collaborator here to do it.
- I feel like, at your reading, each character who took the stage became my favorite character for the duration of their monologue, only to be usurped by the next player.
- Again, this is the audience member/ anthropologist talking. This idea of (misplaced) ritual cleansing in an increasingly secular, ostensibly "modernizing" society is really fertile. The contrast of a ritual killing (a primitive, primal, communal act) to the mechanizing, impersonal, anti-communal yet "connective" influence of the railroad is wild. The fact that the one is the agent of the other is a delicious, terrible irony. Not saying I'm hoping for more to punch that up, simply that it's all in there.
Great, great job this semester! It's been really fascinating to watch the two of you approach the play -- I feel like a lot of the work you were doing was on as much of a micro-level as a macro-level, which was very instructive. I think that everything you've done has helped to clarify and magnify Mary's story, which is exciting. George, I'm gonna take a page from you and give my comments in no particular order.
- I love the Hungry Townsperson at the end. Like Carrie, I think the only reason he ever needs to give for his clear memory is that he eats peanuts; while the anthropologist/Henry James lover is totally interested in his liminality/outsider status, I think that's actually a function of the degree to which the play allows me to feel like "audience" -- because if I were in the audience, this is probably what I'd talk about at the coffee shop the next day.
- I liked just about everything you did to the text during NWF. George knows this already because I was sitting next to him and kept elbowing him at every change, saying "nice."
- At the risk of repeating what has been said in class and on the blog, I'm a fan of the Strongman, and his lyricism in the final monologue is nice. Don't know whether it was how he was played or the text, but I feel like he's still the character I'd like to see clarified and/or made more vital to the motion of events.
- Speaking of motion,I think a lot of the questions I still have relate much more to the play's staging, and how to keep a strong sense of motion going. The text certainly does; it's how to bring that same sense of vitality and push forward to a fully staged play. Given that as my lingering question, I am SO excited that we'll all get to see it staged next year, and that you'll have George's favorite collaborator here to do it.
- I feel like, at your reading, each character who took the stage became my favorite character for the duration of their monologue, only to be usurped by the next player.
- Again, this is the audience member/ anthropologist talking. This idea of (misplaced) ritual cleansing in an increasingly secular, ostensibly "modernizing" society is really fertile. The contrast of a ritual killing (a primitive, primal, communal act) to the mechanizing, impersonal, anti-communal yet "connective" influence of the railroad is wild. The fact that the one is the agent of the other is a delicious, terrible irony. Not saying I'm hoping for more to punch that up, simply that it's all in there.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
George's Final Response to the "The 4th"
Hey guys,
Great job this semester - Robert, you and Soo-Jin win the Courage in Rewriting™ award. Robert, kudos to you for your willingness to play with your play and kudos to Patrick for pressing you onward. I hope you're both excited and pleased with everything you've discovered this semester - I think you've made real progress.
Random final thoughts:
- As I said in class, I am curious if "independence" comes into the play at any point.
- Also a rehashing of class, I'm curious if the communication methods can come to a head at some point in the play, perhaps as the interpersonal come to a head as well. I love your idea of smashing the phone - perhaps that is independence of a kind?
- I would love more obstacles to Adrian's quest other than booze and distance. Mia spurs him on, could Seth or others seek to stop his quest?
- Love the voice mail section you brought in today - great way to reveal inner voices as well as take the technological into the fantastic. Also like the idea of a changing message - some of us leave our outgoing message the same for years - something to play with there?
- I agree with Jenny that I would like more surprises in the play. Adrian knows what he wants to say to Connor and then he says it. Is there a way to play with that more? Mess with it and our expectations?
- I liked the Seth scene and think that the scene could be a challenge for Adrian to overcome - a temptation on his quest.
- I agree that Henry seems important - I'm not sure how yet, but he seems like he belongs - maybe he is another obstacle to Adrian somehow
- I agree that the fireworks are a great ticking clock - I think you had Adrian sleeping through them in one draft - I think that could be a lovely end to the play if he sleeps through what he's really been looking forward to all day (because he has Connor and that's more important). Sweetly satisfying.
Okay, I think that's it. Congrats to both of you!
Great job this semester - Robert, you and Soo-Jin win the Courage in Rewriting™ award. Robert, kudos to you for your willingness to play with your play and kudos to Patrick for pressing you onward. I hope you're both excited and pleased with everything you've discovered this semester - I think you've made real progress.
Random final thoughts:
- As I said in class, I am curious if "independence" comes into the play at any point.
- Also a rehashing of class, I'm curious if the communication methods can come to a head at some point in the play, perhaps as the interpersonal come to a head as well. I love your idea of smashing the phone - perhaps that is independence of a kind?
- I would love more obstacles to Adrian's quest other than booze and distance. Mia spurs him on, could Seth or others seek to stop his quest?
- Love the voice mail section you brought in today - great way to reveal inner voices as well as take the technological into the fantastic. Also like the idea of a changing message - some of us leave our outgoing message the same for years - something to play with there?
- I agree with Jenny that I would like more surprises in the play. Adrian knows what he wants to say to Connor and then he says it. Is there a way to play with that more? Mess with it and our expectations?
- I liked the Seth scene and think that the scene could be a challenge for Adrian to overcome - a temptation on his quest.
- I agree that Henry seems important - I'm not sure how yet, but he seems like he belongs - maybe he is another obstacle to Adrian somehow
- I agree that the fireworks are a great ticking clock - I think you had Adrian sleeping through them in one draft - I think that could be a lovely end to the play if he sleeps through what he's really been looking forward to all day (because he has Connor and that's more important). Sweetly satisfying.
Okay, I think that's it. Congrats to both of you!
George's Final Response to the "Play Formerly Known as Love, Candy"
Hey gals,
Great work this semester. It's been exciting to watch the play develop in your capable hands. Your classes have been so structured and targeted - kudos to you both.
Here's my thoughts/comments/opinions/questions in no particular order:
- The questions that pull me through the play are “will Candy be successful in her quest to become a woman?” and “how did she meet Andy Warhol?” and "how did she become famous?"
- because I don't know the details of Candy's life, the non-linear method of storytelling in the play can be confusing at times. I applaud your instinct to avoid structuring the play so that it climaxes with her interaction with Warhol (they typical VHI version of the story), but at the same time, avoiding this more obvious choice leaves me feeling driftless at times, unsure of what climax I am headed toward.
- I may have said this before, but I'm most engaged when the story is most specific (EZ Bake Oven) and less general (the "lecturish" stuff)
- I wonder if the play might kick off with more of a bang somehow - watching it I felt there was a need for something to kick things off - part of this was Simon's performance, but the play in peformance seemed to get off to a slow start. Talk to me about this and I will make more sense (hopefully).
- as I think I said in class, I'm a little confused by the framing device in the play - Andy and his assistant seem to be the gods of the play at the beginning, but then they somewhat disappear into other characters (and I don't feel them behind those characters, they seem like different characters).
- I really loved the caring nurse character that showed up in class last week - I think that's worth pursuing. Could she be the mom as well? And simply dividing the lines you'd already written carries a lot of potential - might be a way to control the Warhol presence in the play if he is presented as a part of Candy's persona, i.e., her desire for fame, etc. Worth exploring, I think.
That's all for now, but please feel free to ask me any questions you might have. I think you're on the brink of something very exciting and wish you continued experimentation and exploration of all the possibilities this play has to offer!
Oh, and I'm fine with the title as well.
Great work this semester. It's been exciting to watch the play develop in your capable hands. Your classes have been so structured and targeted - kudos to you both.
Here's my thoughts/comments/opinions/questions in no particular order:
- The questions that pull me through the play are “will Candy be successful in her quest to become a woman?” and “how did she meet Andy Warhol?” and "how did she become famous?"
- because I don't know the details of Candy's life, the non-linear method of storytelling in the play can be confusing at times. I applaud your instinct to avoid structuring the play so that it climaxes with her interaction with Warhol (they typical VHI version of the story), but at the same time, avoiding this more obvious choice leaves me feeling driftless at times, unsure of what climax I am headed toward.
- I may have said this before, but I'm most engaged when the story is most specific (EZ Bake Oven) and less general (the "lecturish" stuff)
- I wonder if the play might kick off with more of a bang somehow - watching it I felt there was a need for something to kick things off - part of this was Simon's performance, but the play in peformance seemed to get off to a slow start. Talk to me about this and I will make more sense (hopefully).
- as I think I said in class, I'm a little confused by the framing device in the play - Andy and his assistant seem to be the gods of the play at the beginning, but then they somewhat disappear into other characters (and I don't feel them behind those characters, they seem like different characters).
- I really loved the caring nurse character that showed up in class last week - I think that's worth pursuing. Could she be the mom as well? And simply dividing the lines you'd already written carries a lot of potential - might be a way to control the Warhol presence in the play if he is presented as a part of Candy's persona, i.e., her desire for fame, etc. Worth exploring, I think.
That's all for now, but please feel free to ask me any questions you might have. I think you're on the brink of something very exciting and wish you continued experimentation and exploration of all the possibilities this play has to offer!
Oh, and I'm fine with the title as well.
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