Pathetic in the sense that my computer hard drive corrupted Thurs night and until Computer Geeks got here today, I've not had computer access. Who knows what they'll be able to recover? In the interim, I have a friend's old laptop, connected to the internet, but I don't have email. And I am not good at these little keys and it's driving me crazy to try to work the little keyboard and is distracting from my concentration.
Ok...I'll stop bitchin' and write!
(I'll try to clean up all the messiness.)
AFFIRMATIONS
Cool! Grooovy! Far Out! Hip Man!
A very good mix of dramaturgical exercises. A roller coaster of emotions and so much emotional territory covered.
Although the make-up made me feel artificial and "icky," I think it was a perfect exercise. It made me feel a little uncomfortable in my skin--or rather the skin I created that day. It made me feel perhaps like Candy did as a man--unnatural, icky, out of place, forced, etc. It captured that feeling of not fitting in. WHY was all that? Was it because I'm not used to make-up? Was it pulling up bigger "walls" for me? (Read, shades of internalized "homophobia"... is there a resistance to go there on my part because while I'm gay, I'm not a drag queen and is it some sort of resistance to being labeled such? A feeling that I've already pushed the sexual envelope enough in life, that I'm not "that" deviant from the sexual hegemony? ) Is that over-reacting? Does that make sense? I guess I've strayed from a mere affirmation, but I learned so much in that unease. It would have been interesting to have a free-write associated with it at some point...but hey, that's sort of what I'm doing here.
I thought the exercises prior to the make-up were very thought-provoking as well. I felt I could've used more time for those. Some of my responses about transformation, etc. were probably a little aborted and I will be glad to fill in, talk more about it, if ever that becomes helpful. I started down the paths and barely hit upon them, but didn't get into deep reflection of them.
The instruction sheet for genders was brilliant! Wow. To think of rules. Rules. I was stuck--like others. I just started without thinking about it. Some probably sound a little sexist, but weren't intended to be--anymore than I think some of that is true, but not always. As you are so aware. We all are! I'm rambling. But for some reason I found myself thinking of men and women in work situations and amongst groups of friends and such and trying to assign stereotypical rules to genders. I was amazed that I didn't think of things like: shave your face (m), shave your legs/pits (w)...etc. They weren't beauty things. What does that mean? You are my psychologist, no?
The improv sessions were handled well and informative. I think it's a bit harder to improv "real people" because we already "know" this person to some extent and you feel a little bit of WWAD or WWCD or WWJ*D (*What would June do?)...but still it was way interesting to watch and interesting to participate in. It was eery to think that my first impulse as Andy in her hospital room was to take her picture.
Brava! Brava! EXcellent first week. I hope it was beneficial to y'all too.
QUESTIONS
Is Candy really a public or a private person at heart?
What does she feel toward Andy, deep down? Is he her hero? Is he her heroin?
At what point does Candy's downfall start? The day she leaves home? The day she meets Andy? The day she....?
After we did the time line, I now wonder, where Candy's story overlays it. When did she die? I guess I can google and find out. But it might be interesting to know that as I'm hearing it/seeing it. Especially if you feel there are connections to the times and her situations. Another might be a time line of sex-change operations. She wasn't the first (I know she never got that far), but it would've still been very early on. She was pre-Renee Richards when the operation suddenly exploded into the American psyche when RR fought a battle to play in women's tennis during the 70s.
OPINIONS
This is fairly prescriptive, but I start to wonder if the show's camp level might be cool to be amped up. perhaps a chorus of post-op transexuals, sex-change pioneers, etc Not trying to belittle it at all...but as we discussed in class she is a woman of her time. A very strange and wonderful time. A time when new, sassy, bold, harsh, plastic, artificial, radical, revolutionary all suddenly exploded causing many people much consternation...middle American and otherwise. So maybe it isn't just "camp" I'm arguing for more of, but of the artificialness of that era.
Based upon previous readings of the text, I'm wanting to both feel for Candy more AND be disgusted by her. Isn't that sad. I guess I don't really mean "disgusted" as much as "shocked" etc. I think the play does that, but I would love more of both--more wanting to hug and nurture her, more surprise and shock and even disapproval of her choices. Or her fate. I love the paradoxes this allows. Me to think of her as courageous, but sad. Or is it her fate sad? One of those things that lingers for days or weeks after seeing the show. I think you're there, but I want more of both.
I don't know how I feel about more Andy. On one hand, you almost can't avoid him...he's the elephant in the graveyard, so to speak. On the other, it's her show and you don't want him to hijack it. It might be a cool statement to have him in it but since she's dead, she's in control for once--not him. Or is she dead? I don't remember... I may be wrong here--or that might be earlier versions running together. I think she is...but even if she's not, it's her show, she could have the power here--or not.
~~
Thanks for a very thought-provoking week. Great work. Sorry about all the scare quotes--for some reason it's not allowing me to do itallics. I hope this made some sense after all. (Michael aka Monique aka Kika aka La M aka Kika Monique and when I'm alone and the curtains are drawn, I sometimes call myself, Lois.)
Which brings up another point: hmmmm....why do we as gay men of a certain age all have "drag" names if we never do drag? Why do we call our friends such? Learned camp cultural things amongst our subset of society?
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